Enlighten
by calzonayang
Summary: 'I don't hate you, Meredith Grey.' Meredith/Addison femslash fic. Rated M. Also involves Cristina, Alex, George, Izzie and anks for reading, don't forget to review, feedback greatly appreciated - tell me if you like it, etc. Begins with some events from season 3 but progresses quite quickly. R&R!
1. Chapter 1: Where Does the Good Go?

Song: Tegan and Sara – Where Does Good Go?

watch?v=8RDdmfWsrsw

Rain splattered down from the bruise-coloured sky as Meredith Grey walked into Seattle Grace Hospital.

"Addison," Meredith called, walking quickly to catch up with her.

"Meredith," Addison greeted her, trying not to laugh.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you about Derek when I was on morphine. It was out of order. I didn't mean to put you in that position. It's not fair and I know you don't want to know me. I'm sorry."

Addison stopped walking. She gently gripped Meredith's arm and led her towards the supply cupboard to their right.

Once inside, she closed the door and turned to look at Meredith.

"Look, Meredith. I know you probably only know what happened because Yang told you. Do you even remember what I said to you?"

"I... no," a guilty expression crossed Meredith's face.

"Meredith I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I could never..." she trailed off mid-sentence. An uncharacteristic nervousness was clear in her face.

Addison took a deep breath and straightened the stethoscope around her neck.

"I don't hate you Meredith Grey."

With that, she walked out of the room, leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts.

"How nice of you to join us, Doctor Grey."

"Sorry Doctor Bailey, I was-"

But the woman had already moved on.

"This is Emma Thompson, 32 years old and 29 weeks pregnant. She's 1 day post-op from an appendectomy, and her baby has been diagnosed with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia."

She turned to her interns.

"Grey. What is CDH?"

"A deformity of the diaphragm, causing abdominal organs to move up into the chest cavity which prevents the baby's lungs from developing properly."

Bailey nodded, attempting to seem angry for Meredith's lack of punctuality.

Meredith and Cristina were sitting in the cafeteria in the hospital later that day.

"You gonna eat that?" Alex asked Meredith, sitting down next to her.

"Ugh, go away, Evil Spawn," Cristina snapped.

"Shut up," Alex retorted.

"Mer?" Cristina called "anyone in there?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry I was just-"

"Staring at McDreamy? I gathered."

 _Which one?_ Meredith thought.

"Did you hear about the nurses in radiology?" Alex started talking and Meredith zoned out again.

"Meredith! What is wrong with you today?" Cristina demanded.

"I don't... I'm not hungry." Meredith stood up

Alex and Cristina shared a look.

Meredith's pager started beeping and Cristina's went off a second later.

"It's Addison. Emma Thompson's in labour!"

"Addison?" Cristina asked as they ran. "What happened to Satan?"

Meredith gave her a look and ran off.

"Okay, his BP's dropping. We need to get her to the OR right now," Addison pulled off her glove and turned to the patient. "Emma, I'm sorry but we need to do a C-Section right now."

They pulled the sides up on the gurney and began to push it to the lift.

"Yang, book an OR. Meredith, you'll assist."

Cristina looked deeply offended as she picked up the phone.

"Sorry" Meredith mouthed at her friend.

When Meredith entered the scrub room, Addison was already in there.

She turned on the tap and picked up a sponge. Addison turned her head and for a second, their eyes met.

Sighing, Meredith poured the soap on her hands and began scrubbing more vigorously than necessary.

"Okay, I need more suction. I can see his head."

Addison put down the scalpel.

"More retraction..." a minute passed. "I've got him."

She handed the baby boy to Meredith, who rushed him to the neonatologist waiting in the room.

"His vitals are low," she said. "Improving with oxygen."

"Doctor Montgomery, we're taking him to OR 3 for his surgery. He's stable," Meredith informed her.

"Excellent work, Meredith," replied Addison. She offered a small smile, then turned back to closing the patient.

"Is that a thing? The peanuts in this bar? I swear everyone is addicted to them," George said, looking at the piles of shells on each table.

"Who cares?" Cristina said, "Mer, you want another?" she gestured to the empty shot glasses.

"Uh, sure." They stood up and walked to the bar.

Meredith placed her wallet on the wood and turned to see none other than Addison sitting at the bar.

"Hi," she said

"Hey," Meredith replied, glancing nervously at her hands.

"How are you?" Addison began a conversation while Joe poured the drinks.

As Cristina carried the shots back to their table alone, she sat down with George, Alex and Izzie. She frowned.

"What is going on with Mer and McDreamy's ex McWife? Because Meredith will not stop staring at her," Cristina laughed.

Alex and George shared a look, before bursting into laughter too.

"You think Mer's moved on to the She-Shepherd now?" Alex chortled.

"Not a chance. Mer is not bi. She is like, the least gay person ever. She can't walk into a bar without finding a new McDreamy," Izzie said.

"A male McDreamy," George added.

"No way, I could totally see that happening," Alex said, grinning.

"I do not want to know what's going on inside your head," Izzie said, scowling.

"Come on, it would be hot!" Alex defended.

"Believe me, it's not that hot." Everyone turned to stare at Izzie, including Meredith, who had just come over.

"Montgomery is hot. You tried being a lesbian?" Alex asked, his eyes wide.

"I don't need to answer that," Izzie said. "I have to go." She left.

"Me too," said Alex. "O'Malley, you coming? This place is lame."

"Sure."

Meredith sat down next to Cristina. Her cheeks were pink.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough. Drunk Cristina isn't very good at being quiet."

"Whatever. One more shot?"

"Fine. Then we're going home. You're staying at mine, you can't drive."

They took the shots quickly. Meredith grimaced.

"That one may come back up,"

"Yep," Cristina agreed as they left the bar.


	2. Chapter 2: The Gossip

Song: The Gossip – Standing In the Way Of Control

watch?v=yn043ArR98M

Meredith woke up in her bed, next to a sleeping Cristina. She sat up and pushed back her hair. She looked at the clock: two am.

"Cristina," she gently shook her awake.

"What?" She groaned. "What time is it?" "Am I late?"

Rolling her eyes, Meredith shook her head.

"It's two AM,"

"Then why the hell am I awake?"

"I'm... confused..."

Cristina sat up and cocked her head to the side, grinning at her friend.

"No!" Meredith protested. "Not like that."

"You sure? Because the way you were looking a-"

"Okay! Okay! Maybe a bit like that."

A moment passed. "A lot like that."

Nodding, Cristina got up and walked downstairs. She quickly made two coffees and popped two aspirin tablets into her palm.

Back in Meredith's room, she handed her the coffee and aspirin.

"Take," she said "and drink."

"Thanks."

"Okay, now speak," Cristina said.

"I like men. I love men. Men are awesome," Meredith blurted out.

"I know you like men, Mer," Cristina laughed.

"Stop laughing at me!" Meredith protested, almost laughing herself.

"Fine. Continue."

"I... may have done some... experimenting… in college," she whispered.

"Cool," Cristina said.

"Did you?" Meredith asked.

"No. Nope. I am extremely straight."

There was a long pause.

"I am extremely not." Meredith looked at her friend for consolation.

"Cool. So what?" Cristina shrugged.

" _So what?!_ If Alex found out about this I would never live it down!" Meredith squeaked.

"So what? Who gives a crap about what Evil Spawn thinks?"

"So you're into girls."

"You could... say that."

"And you're in love with McDreamy's ex McWife. McSatan."

"When did we give everyone so many McNicknames?" Meredith asked.

"Not the point, Mer."

Meredith drank all her coffee in one go.

"Ow! That burnt my tongue," she moaned.

They shared a glance and started laughing. The bed shook as they tried to stop.  
"Shut up," Cristina laughed, "We'll wake up all the strays you've collected.

"Fine!" Meredith said, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes. "Fine. I like girls. And boys. And Addison. Okay I more than like her. What do I do?" Her tone became serious again.

"Meredith," Cristina placed her hands on her shoulders. "This is your call. You do whatever you think is right. If you love her, tell her. I'm here for you no matter what. I will always be here for you, even if one of us lives on the other side of the world. I am your person. I will always be your person." Cristina pulled her friend into a tight hug.

They lay down on the bed.

"Thank you," Meredith said. "Promise me that if nothing works out for either of us by the time we're like 90 and no one else wants us we'll just get married," Meredith said.

"Deal. Although that may be the tequila talking. Not sure. Ask me in the morning," Cristina chuckled sleepily.

"Okay. Night." Meredith whispered.

"Night."

A few minutes passed.

"Mer?" Cristina whispered to her friend.

"Yes?"

"No. We're not getting married. You have to marry Addison."

Meredith fell asleep smiling and dreamed of Addison Montgomery.


	3. Chapter 3: The Way It Ends

Song: Landon Pigg – The Way it Ends

watch?v=8fQcGuYvTnI

"Ugh- what time is it?" Meredith mumbled, rolling over in her bed.

"It's…" Cristina reached for the alarm clock she'd shoved off the bedside table, "five thirty."

"We have to get up," Meredith moaned.

"Come on then," Cristina said, giving her a push. Meredith went to get dressed.

"George! Get out of the bathroom, I need to take a shower!" Izzie knocked loudly on the door.

"Izzie! I am naked. In the shower," George complained.

"I don't care! Hurry up!" came Izzie's reply.

Cristina looked quizzically at Meredith as they walked past the bathroom.  
"Normal occurrence," Meredith laughed, then winced. "I have the worst hangover,"  
"Mind over matter," Cristina massaged her head.

As Meredith parked in the hospital car park, she paused before opening the car door.

"You know," she began "I think this will be a good day,"

"That makes one of us," Cristina said, eyeing Burke who was standing at the hospital entrance.

A loud screeching of tires filled the early morning air.

They both turned around to see two cars colliding at the turning for the hospital. One of the cars rolled over onto its side while the other was forced into a road sign.

They shared a wide-eyed look and ran towards the wreckage.

"Hello, I'm Dr Grey, is there anyone else with you in the car?" Meredith crouched to ask a semi-conscious man in the driver's seat of the upturned car.  
"No," he murmured, losing consciousness.

"Cristina," she called, "male driver, early thirties, he's got a head laceration, his abdomen's distended and his pulse is really weak," Meredith said anxiously.

Cristina saw a crowd of other doctors running over towards them.  
"Only one person in this car too, she's conscious, no visible head trauma but her left arm and leg look fractured. She's pregnant," Cristina paused, to listen to the woman, "24 weeks," she said.

With the help of Burke and a few other doctors, they moved the patients onto gurneys and into the hospital.

"GREY! YANG! What the hell are you doing? You are thirty minutes late. You do not get to be late! When you are late, people die!" she said angrily, before turning around to see Cristina pushing a gurney and Meredith straddling a patient on a gurney, doing CPR.

"What is going on here?" Bailey asked.

"Car crash _in_ the parking lot," Cristina replied.

An hour later, both patients were stable and Meredith was leaving the driver's room when she saw Addison walking towards her, a concerned expression on her face.

"Meredith, are you alright?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine, why?" Meredith replied, confused.

"You're bleeding," Addison informed her, pointing to a red patch on Meredith's leg.

"Oh," Meredith acknowledged.

"How did you not notice?" Addison murmured, mostly to herself. "Come with me, I'll sort it out."

Meredith just followed her, noticing for the first time the burning pain on her knee.

"Ow," she muttered.

Meredith sat down on the bed.  
"Meredith, I can't clean the wound if I can't see it,"  
"Right," Meredith blushed, rolling up the leg of her scrubs.

Addison carefully cleaned the gash and applied a dressing while Meredith stared at the wall, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Thank you, Addison," Meredith gave a nervous smile, "You didn't have to do that." She hopped off the bed.

"No problem," Addison smiled, standing up.

Cristina and Meredith were eating lunch again in the cafeteria.  
"Where did you go earlier? Bailey was looking for you and no one knew where you were," Cristina said, stealing some of Meredith's drink.

"Addison was cleaning the cut on my leg," Meredith stared down at the table, refusing to look at her friend who she knew was laughing at her.

"Is that a euphemism for something?" Cristina chortled.

Meredith just looked at her.

"Okay, I'll shut up," Cristina suppressed a smile as their friends entered the room.

"I think she's into me," Alex was saying to Izzie, who just laughed.

"Who's into you, Evil Spawn?" Cristina said.

"Montgomery."

Meredith choked on the juice she was trying to swallow.

"Like she would even notice you. She's an adult," Cristina said. "You are a child."

"Mer? Are you still alive?" Izzie asked.  
Meredith coughed and nodded, avoiding Alex's eyes as he argued with Cristina.

"I have a.. uh… patient. I have to check on a patient," Meredith stood up.

"See you later," Cristina said to her friend who was already walking away as fast as possible.

"Grey, you've been requested by Dr Montgomery," Bailey gave the intern a funny look. "Again,"

Meredith blushed and went to find the doctor.

"Ah, Dr Grey," Addison handed her the patient's folder. Meredith recognised the woman from the crash earlier that morning.  
"Amanda Tanner, presents with trauma to the left arm and leg, fractures clear on X-Rays and 24 weeks pregnant," Meredith read.

"Yep," Ms Tanner replied, "is my baby alright?"  
"That," Addison wheeled a the ultrasound machine into the room, "is what we're going to check on. Dr Grey will perform an ultrasound."

Meredith squirted gel onto the woman's abdomen and used the transducer to create an image on the screen.

"The baby looks fine to me," Meredith smiled at Ms Tanner and pressed the button to hear the heartbeat.  
"And she has a strong heartbeat," Addison finished. "Dr Grey, please take these lab results to Dr Bailey on your way out."  
She handed the pages to Meredith and her fingers lingered for a long moment on the interns hand.

Meredith flinched away from her touch, feeling dizzy.

"I will," she said, leaving the room.

Meredith walked quickly to the elevator, her free hand clenched into a fist. She couldn't go on like this. Something needed to change.

She spotted Dr Bailey at a nurses station and gave her the paperwork.

Meredith turned to leave the hospital and stopped in her tracks when she saw who was leaning against the wall.

Finn.

"What are you doing here?" she murmured, approaching him.  
"I believe we have… unfinished business," he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"No, we don't. Finn, I can't do this. We are not together. You can't just show up here," her voice went up an octave.

"Everything alright, Grey?" Bailey asked, looking up from the results.

"Fine," Meredith said

She walked outside and he followed her.

Meredith spun around to face him.  
"You need to leave. Please."

"And what if I don't want to?" his expression was cold.  
"Don't do this. Stop," Meredith pleaded quietly.

She turned away from him but he placed a hand on her shoulder.

Leaning in, he pressed his lips forcefully against hers.

Meredith jerked away from him, gasping.  
"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" she spat furiously.

"You just disappeared and left me, Meredith." Her name coming from his mouth made her shudder. "I'm giving you another chance."

"I don't want another chance. I don't want you."

She tried to walk away but he grabbed her shoulder.

Meredith struggled against his firm grip as he forced her body against the wall in the dimming light.  
"Get off me," she gasped.

Finn's eyes flashed dangerously and he clamped a hand over Meredith's mouth as she tried to scream.

"You don't get to leave," he murmured. You're mine."

Meredith bit down hard on his hand and the taste of blood filled her mouth.

Finn finally snapped and slapped her cheek hard.

Meredith's head fell back against the wall with the force of the blow and pain overcame her. The back of her head was throbbing and the world was spinning.

The last thing Meredith heard was shouting as she fell to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4: Universe & U

Song: Grey's Anatomy Cast – Universe & U

watch?v=E3BQP-l6clc

Alex, George, Izzie and Cristina walked out of the hospital, laughing.

"For the last time, Evil Spawn, Montgomery does _not_ like you. She has a brain,"

"Whatever, Yang. Just because Burke doesn't like you anymore."

"What? Did you really just-"

"GUYS!" Izzie shouted, "Just shut up! I will not waste another second of my life listening to you two bickering. Shut up!"

"I second that," George muttered, trying to keep out of it.

Cristina huffed and turned away from them.

"Where's Mer?" she paused.

"I don't know, maybe she ditched us to go and screw McDreamy again," Alex laughed.

Cristina glared at him. "You know she broke up with him over three months ago, right?"

Suddenly, a piercing scream filled the air.

"What the hell was that?" George turned around.

Two silhouettes could be seen just around the corner of the building. The scream seemed to have come from there.

"It sounded like-" Cristina's eyes widened.

They all ran towards the sound. As Alex ran, he saw Finn pressing Meredith against the cold wall, his hands all over her body. He heard a crack as her head hit the wall.

Alex came up behind Finn and kicked his legs out from under him. He fell to the ground with a grunt and Alex pulled him into a headlock.

"What did you do to her?" he yelled.

The other interns reached them, only to see Meredith slumped against the wall, her head lolling to one side. Bright, red blood was evident in the golden colour of her hair.

"Help!" Izzie yelled towards the entrance of the hospital as Cristina and George checked Meredith.

Bailey, the Chief and Addison rushed outside.  
"Get a gurney and call security!" Richard yelled.

A security guard took over from Alex and handcuffed Finn who was struggling.  
"He attacked her," Alex panted, "we all saw it."

They lifted Meredith onto a gurney and rushed into the building.

"Grey, can you hear me?" Bailey asked, checking her pupils as they reached a trauma room.

Addison watched in horror as the scene unfolded before her. Coming to her senses, she began to help.

We need to get her a head CT, stat," she said, her heart racing as adrenaline rushed through her veins.

"Let's examine her, page neuro," Bailey called to the Chief as he made the interns wait outside the room.

Derek entered the room as Addison clipped a monitor onto Meredith's cold finger and it began to beep.

She carefully lifted her head to check the wound and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the pool of blood soaking into the sheets.

"Derek!" she shouted "Oh my god," her fingers were stained a dark red as she looked down at Meredith's pale face.

Derek's eyes widened and he pulled the flashlight from his pocket to check her pupils.

"Pupil response is slow. Get her to CT now."

They began to wheel her out of the room and Cristina stood up and began to run after them.

"No," Addison placed a hand on the intern's shoulder. "We can't help. We have to wait," her voice broke.

Cristina nodded solemnly, a tear running down her cheek.

Bailey silently handed a cup of coffee each to Cristina and Addison who were both sitting against a wall. Her worried expression barely concealing her confusion at Addison's concern.

"She'll be okay," Bailey murmured. "Grey will be okay."  
Addison nodded silently in thanks for the drink.

"Maybe, but when this is over, Finn won't be," Cristina said darkly.

Addison clenched her fist in anger, her hands shaking violently.  
"Yang," Bailey said sternly, "don't go getting arrested. You'll make me look bad."

Derek came out of the room and Addison and Cristina stood up anxiously.  
"CT's clear. She won't need surgery but she has a bad concussion. She should wake up soon."

Addison let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.

"Derek, thank you," Addison breathed, relief flooding her mind.

Derek looked at his ex-wife for a moment, puzzled, then shook his head before handing Bailey Meredith's chart.

"She's in there," he gestured towards the patient room.

Addison all but ran to the door and he and Bailey raised their eyebrows as Cristina stared knowingly into the bottom of her coffee.


	5. Chapter 5: Unarmed

Song: Mariah McManus – Unarmed

watch?v=iWN14rTllHc

Addison Montgomery walked into Meredith's room and her eyes fell on her face.

A pang of something Addison didn't think about made itself painfully obvious.

Her eyelids fluttered, then opened. Her stunning blue-grey eyes seemed to capture

Addison's focus and she couldn't look away.

"Addie," Meredith whispered.

"You're okay," Addison sighed happily.

Meredith's hand reached Addison's arm and she let her fingers trace her bare skin. Goosebumps rose where Meredith touched her, sending a shock of electricity through her.

"I'm okay," Meredith agreed, her voice was soft, a whisper in the rush of the busy hospital.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Me. I happened," she whispered.

"What?" Addison froze.

"I happened," Meredith turned away from her.

Addison reached out unconsciously to her. Her hand cupped Meredith's cheek and her thumb stroked the soft skin there.

"What do you mean? Meredith, this wasn't your fault," Addison said, tears welling in her eyes at the thought that Meredith would blame herself.

"I know," Meredith whispered, "I know Finn didn't attack me because of something I did. He was always a little…" she trailed off.

"I mean that I happened. Things always happen to me. I attract danger, no matter where I go. It's just me. Why do you think I'm alone? Why do you think I'm all… dark… and twisty," she sighed, "Why do you think no one stays with me? No one wants me. Not really."

Addison felt actual pain in her chest at her words.

"No," she said. "You're wrong." Addison reached for Meredith's hand and held it.

Addison slipped the case off Meredith's finger and put it on her own.

She reached for Meredith's hand again and their finger's intertwined.

"What are you…" Meredith panted.

Addison shifted towards Meredith and Meredith's fingers began to trace patterns on her skin.

The monitor began to beep erratically as Addison gasped for breath.

She could smell the scent of lavender from Meredith's hair and it made her knees feel weak.

"This," Addison gestured towards the frantically beeping screen,  
"This is what you do to me."

She pulled the case off her hand and put it back on Meredith's.

Meredith sat up straight and tucked a strand of Addison's hair behind her ear. She let her hands travel up Addison's body as she leaned closer and closer.

Addison couldn't take it a second longer. She looked into Meredith's eyes and saw that they reflected the burning passion and desire that was held in her own. She noticed a speck of green in Addison's eyes for the first time.

Addison took a deep breath and kissed the soft curve of Meredith's mouth. Meredith felt Addison's cool breath and their lips began to move in sync.

Meredith marvelled at the sensation. Something deep inside her stirred as she tangled her fingers in Addison's hair. Addison's mouth felt so warm against hers. She pressed harder against the woman, her mouth soft and light against Addison's. Her heart raced and her cheeks were tinged with pink. Losing herself in the feeling of Addison's body, Meredith kissed her desperately one last time before pulling away.

" _I_ need you. _I_ want you," Addison panted, her hair was tangled as she watched Meredith as she lay back down, closing her eyes.

Addison watched the smooth skin at Meredith's throat; it was flushed. Her chest was heaving. She prepared herself for the inevitable heartbreak as she waited for the intern's reply.

Meredith opened her eyes.

"Addison, I love you. I never loved Derek. Not like this. Finn tried to rape me and I thought I he was going to kill me-" she took a shaky breath,

"I thought I was going to die and the only thing I could think about was that I never told you that I love you."

Addison's heart leapt and she kissed Meredith's wrist, breathing in her scent.

Derek came into the room.  
"Meredith, you have a concussion and I'd like to keep you in overnight for observation,"

He didn't meet her eyes as he left again.

"I'm glad we've got that out there," Meredith gave a breathy laugh.

A smile spread slowly across Addison's face.

"Dr Grey?" Addison chuckled at the formality.

"Yes?" Meredith asked, laughing breathlessly.

"I have a free afternoon the day after tomorrow, would you like to join me for coffee."

"Sure," Meredith grinned, then winced when she nodded too hard.

Addison passed her the morphine control button.  
"Use it," she said

"But last time-"

Addison kissed her lips softly, cutting off Meredith's sentence.

"I know. Do it again, it was funny."

Meredith rested her head back on the pillow, sighing gently.

"I love you," she whispered, falling asleep.  
"I love you too," Addison kissed the top of her head and resumed holding her hand as she slept.


	6. Chapter 6: In My Veins

Song: Andrew Belle - In my veins

watch?v=GSYnOeO5rdk

"Addison… Dr Montgomery?" Cristina said, pulling her from her dream.

"Yan- Cristina… sorry," Addison dropped Meredith's hand and sat up quickly.

Cristina put down Meredith's chart and handed Addison a plastic cup.

 _I have to stop living on coffee_. She quickly dismissed the thought.

"Thank you," Addison murmured quietly.

"You don't have to do that." Cristina nodded towards Meredith's hand.

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"She's special," Cristina said suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Meredith. She's special. She's an excellent surgeon. She's my friend and she's been through a lot. She's survived so much. She loves you and she's willing to let you in. She's special. Don't hurt her."

With that, Cristina left.

Stunned into silence, Addison sat up in the chair sipping her drink.

For some reason, she couldn't stop smiling.

"Cristina! I am capable of walking to the other side of this tiny room!" Meredith was complaining.

"Mer, let me help you or I'll make you use a wheelchair on your day off tomorrow."

"You wouldn't dare," Meredith glared.

"Try me."

Meredith sat down in the wheelchair with a sigh.

"Cristina, if you want to be helpful, go and get my stuff out of my locker." Meredith threw her the key.

She caught it and stepped out of the room.

"Meredith?" Derek said.

"Sorry, I was just-"

"It's fine. Look, I know it's none of my business anymore, but I need to know if you're okay."

"As my doctor?" Meredith looked away uncomfortably.

"Yes. And as your… friend."

"Friend?"

"Acquaintance then."

"I'm okay. Really. I'll be fine if you just let me go home. You know how horrible these beds are."

A small smile played on his lips.

"Fine," he signed the discharge papers quickly and handed them to Meredith.

"Thank you," Meredith said.

"For what it's worth I'm glad you're okay. And I'm sorry."

Not knowing what to say to that, Meredith just nodded and he left.

"I'll come round later," Addison whispered in Meredith's ear before quickly pulling away as Bailey approached them.

"Grey," Bailey said softly, "you take care of yourself." She glanced at Cristina. "Watch her. I'm giving you the rest of today off, Yang."

"But Dr Bailey-" Cristina complained.

"Calm down Cristina, you'd only be in the pit."

"Whatever," she grumbled.

"Get well soon, Meredith," Addison smiled gently.

Meredith's breath caught in her throat.

Bailey gave them both a strange look and walked away, shaking her head.

Addison winked at her subtly as Cristina pushed her out of the building.

"Get a room," Cristina muttered low enough that only Meredith heard.

"Shut up. I can push myself," Meredith smiled despite her discomfort.

"So, how are you going to tell McDreamy – sorry, Dr Shepherd, isn't it?"

Meredith lay down on the bed slowly.

"You have no idea, do you?" Cristina laughed "Are you two an actual thing now anyway?"

"Yes… I mean… I think so…" Meredith frowned.

"But she said she loves you."

"Yes."

"And you love her, right?"

"Yes."

"Then how are you two not a _thing_?"

"Well, we are… a thing."

"But?"

"You know, we haven't…"

"Ugh," Cristina grimaced. "Bad images."

"Not that bad," Meredith grinned.

"Okay, stop right there, or I'll be the one with a head injury because I jumped out of that window."

They heard the soft growl of an expensive car pulling up in the driveway.

"I wonder who that could be," Cristina said theatrically.

Meredith's face lit up and she stood up, using the bed for support.

"I'm fine. I can walk," she said in response to Cristina's expression.

"I'll disappear then. I'm going to take a shower," Cristina said, laughing.

When Meredith eventually made it downstairs, Addison was walking up to the front door. Meredith opened it slowly. Addison had changed out of her scrubs and was wearing dark blue jeans with a red shirt that brought out the fiery hints in her perfect hair. A smile spread across her red tinted lips.

"Meredith," she greeted her warmly.

Meredith just smiled and as soon as Addison had stepped through the doorway, she brought her lips to the other woman's and kissed her softly.

"I've been waiting to do that all day," Meredith whispered softly.

"Me too. Is Cristina-"

"Cristina…" she kissed her again, "is taking a shower."

"Excellent," Addison smiled.

The walked into the living room where the TV was playing something neither of them had ever had time to watch.

"How are you feeling, Meredith?"

"Good. The swelling's going down, stitches don't need to come out yet and minimal dizziness."

"Any nausea?"

Meredith made a face.

"Have you been eating?" Addison asked worriedly.

"I've only been home four hours."

Addison raised her eyebrows.

"No," Meredith couldn't lie to her.

"Honestly," Addison muttered, walking to the kitchen, "I _told_ Yang, even promised her a surgery…"

"You're bribing my friend with surgeries so that you're girlfriend eats. Weirdo," Meredith laughed, shaking her head.

"I'm a weirdo? Really?" Addison opened cupboards, looking for something edible.

"Yes. You are," Meredith came up behind her, opening a cupboard door with no avail.

"You know," Meredith stood on her tiptoes to reach a top shelf where she'd spotted Izzie's stash of Granola bars, "I like being your girlfriend,"

Addison turned around to reply but froze when she saw Meredith.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, self-consciously pulling her t shirt back down where it had ridden up her abdomen.

"You… your skin," Addison was lost for words as a lump formed in her throat.

Meredith looked down.

Dark purple and blue splotches were arranged in symmetrical lines along each side of her body. Each bruise was the shape of a fingerprint.

"Oh," Meredith whispered, understanding.

Addison's eyes filled with tears of anger and horror as she stared at the injures Finn had caused.

She took Meredith's hand and rolled up her sleeve.

The bruises were worse on her wrists. Dark blue against her pale skin.

As she let go, Meredith rearranged her clothing, accidentally revealing a purple area that stretched from her collarbone to her breast.

"He did this to you." Addison choked. It wasn't a question.

Meredith nodded silently.

"What exactly…" Addison couldn't find the words.

"He was looking for me."

Addison took her hand and led her back to the sofa.

"He was looking for me, and he found me. He came to the hospital after my shift ended and he kissed me," Addison visibly flinched at the words, her grip on Meredith's fingers tightened. Meredith cleared her throat as tears filled her eyes.

"He told me he was giving me another _chance_ ," Meredith spat out the word as if it were poisonous. "I told him I didn't want him. I _tried_. I really tried," her voice broke.

"You don't have to-"

"I do," she rubbed her eyes roughly, "he grabbed my arm," she gestured to where the bruises were the worst, replaying the scene in her head, "and he took me around the side of the building and he pushed me against the wall. He put his hand over my mouth when I tried to scream and I bit him. He hit me and I remember," she sobbed, "I remember my head hitting the wall and someone shouting."

Addison understood why the left side of her jaw was inflamed. She hadn't wanted to press for information earlier when Meredith was resting.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Addison whispered.

Meredith pressed her forehead against Addison's.

"Never," she whispered sotly.


	7. Chapter 7: The Hop

Song: Radio Citizen – The Hop

watch?v=4dN1MYU7DVQ

"This place is really nice," Meredith smiled as the warm scent of coffee drifted through the doorway she and Addison were walking through.

"I found it the first night I came to Seattle, which was quite difficult, considering how long it takes to walk here."

Meredith chuckled at her girlfriend's enthusiasm.

"We didn't meet like most couples, did we?" she said.

"No, I suppose not. What would you like?"

"Just a regular coffee, please. Here," she handed Addison the money.

"It's fine. Attending, remember?" she shook her head. "And Richard likes me."

They sat down at a table by the window, sipping their drinks.

"So, as lovely as this moment is, there is something we need to discuss."

"Is there?" Meredith already knew what was going to happen.

"How are we going to tell people? I mean, Cristina already knows and I'm sure your roommates will find out soon enough…"

The thought of Addison staying over at Meredith's house made her jump a little and she struggled to concentrate on the conversation.

"Do I want to know what's going on inside your head right now?" Addison smirked knowingly.

"Definitely," Meredith's eyes flashed as she reached across the table to hold Addison's hand.

Addison's gaze fell on the window next to their table. A tall man wearing a coat and a hat was walking past. Thinking nothing of it, she leaned across the small table to kiss Meredith.

"You're beautiful," she smiled.

Meredith pulled away suddenly.

"Um, Addie?"

"What is it?" she asked nervously.

"I don't think we're going to have a problem telling people."

"Why?"

"Because the Chief of Surgery just saw me kiss you."

Meredith was lying alone on her bed, holding her phone to her ear.

"So Richard Webber, your surrogate father just saw you kiss your ex-boyfriend's ex-wife?" Cristina began laughing hysterically.

"Um, yes?" Meredith squeaked.

"Great, you can finally get it on and stop pestering me about my sex life with Burke because you're so lonely."

"Oh, thanks," Meredith said sarcastically.

"I've got to go there's a trauma coming in."

"Oh! What is it?" Meredith asked.

"Just a boring house fire,"

Meredith heard sirens wailing and flashing, blue lights invaded her eyesight.

"Cristina?"

"Yes?"

"The fire is next door to my house."

She hung up and pulled on her shoes and grabbed her bag before rushing outside.

Two ambulances were parked outside on the road. Meredith ran to a paramedic who was just stepping out of an ambulance.

"I'm a surgeon at Seattle Grace, I can help."

"Great. Fires out but there's someone in the kitchen."

Meredith found a man lying unconscious on the floor and checked his airway.

She helped get him onto a stretcher and into the ambulance.

"Sir, can you hear me? I'm Meredith, can you tell me your name?" the vehicle began to move.

"Okay," she said, palpating his chest before turning to a paramedic. "His lung's collapsed and he needs a chest tube, now."

The paramedic passed her a box and she opened it. He squirted sanitizer on the patient's skin while Meredith held the scalpel in her gloved hand.

Taking a deep breath, she made the incision, running over the steps in her head. Blood squirted everywhere.

Meredith stuck her finger in the incision while blood leaked everywhere.

"What's wrong with him?" the Paramedic gasped, wiping blood from his face.

"Looks like-" Meredith pushed in the tube and his chest began to move, "a clotting disorder. Call ahead, we need platelets and two units of O-neg. He's stable."

She monitored the patient for the rest of the journey.

They pulled up outside the trauma entrance and spotted the Chief as the doors opened.

"Male, late forties, blunt trauma to the upper right quadrant, collapsed lung," she jumped out of the ambulance, "I got a tube in. I think he has a clotting disorder."

Bailey was standing in front of her with her hands on her hips.

"Meredith Grey, what the _hell_ are you doing here? You have a concussion! You are off sick! And what are you doing in the back of an ambulance? God! Have I been wasting my time training you for you to go and be a paramedic? Have I?"

She grabbed Meredith's arm and yanked her into the building.

"Mer?" Cristina gasped at the sight of her friend drenched in blood.

"Not my blood!" Meredith called after her as Bailey dragged her to the chief.

"Dr Grey?" Richard Webber asked from his desk.

"Sir, will you _please_ tell my stupid intern to stop trying to save people's lives with a concussion?" Bailey said, exasperated.

"Actually, that was a job well done, Grey," he smiled gently. "I see a lot of potential in you."

Derek came in, holding his scrub cap.

"You paged, sir?"

"Ah, Shepherd," he said, "I would like you to clear Dr Grey here for surgery."

"Well, it's only been-" he paused. "Okay, Meredith. Any nausea or dizziness over the past 24 hours?"

"No."

"You know the drill. Anything you can't handle, stop. You're cleared."

Bailey gave a short sound of protest, but left the office with Derek.

"Sit down," the Chief said to Meredith.

"But I'm all-"she gestured to her saturated clothing, but sat down anyway ta his request.

"Richard?" Addison appeared in the doorway. "I-"

"Sit down."

Addison sat down next to Meredith, trying not to look too nervous.

"I know you saw me the other day," Richard said awkwardly.

"Well, I thought it was more that you saw us…" Meredith mused, suppressing a laugh.

"Ugh! Meredith!" Addison pushed her shoulder gently, giggling.

"Doctors!" Richard called, getting their attention. "I would like to give you my blessing."

"Your… blessing?" Addison questioned.

"Yes." Richard stood up, as did Meredith and Addison.

"Congratulations," he said, smiling.

"Thank you, sir. I should… get changed… I think," Meredith said awkwardly.

"You may leave," Richard rolled his eyes.

Meredith looked at Addison happily as they left the room.

That afternoon, Meredith was leaning on the counter at the nurses' station, writing notes on Bailey's post-op patients.

Cristina came up behind her.

"Mer, did you know McSteamy's here?"

"McSteamy? Crap. Even more freaking people freaking staring at me," she scowled.

As if on cue, Mark Sloan walked through the hospital doors. Derek saw him from the top floor and began walking down the stairs.

"Dr Bailey," Cristina called, jogging to catch up with the woman as she approached the nurses station.

Meredith looked up to see Addison walking down the stairs, a confident smile on her face. Her eyes were focussed completely on Meredith and it was as if she didn't see Derek and Mark staring at her. Bailey and Cristina continued their conversation at the nurses' station and were joined by George, Alex and Izzie as they finished their rounds.

Addison continued to walk down the stairs and reached the bottom. Her elegant black heels tapped distinctively on the hard floor.

Meredith raised her eyes and pushed her hair behind her ears to greet her.

Addison stopped in front of Meredith and while everyone was staring at what they believed to be a bizarre friendship, she placed a hand on the back of Meredith's neck and pulled her into a kiss.


	8. Chapter 8: Runnin' On Sunshine

Song: Grey's Anatomy Cast - Runnin' on Sunshine

watch?v=6h57x9fNU2gt

The effect was instantaneous.

As Meredith broke the kiss for air, she realised that everyone was staring at them.

Cristina stood behind them, grinning, while Izzie and George stood silently, completely speechless. Bailey looked shocked to, but a kind of understanding was evident on her face, as if she's just put together the pieces of a puzzle. Mark Sloan had a sort of lop-sided grin on his face and Meredith could guess exactly what he was thinking, Alex bore a similar expression.

Derek was standing in the middle of the staircase, watching in pure disbelief as his ex-wife embraced his ex-girlfriend.

Cristina began to clap slowly, almost sarcastically. Alex joined in and Mark clearly would have done had his best friend not been standing next to him. The round of applause grew louder as George and Izzie joined in.

"Okay! Show's over, people. Get back to work!" Bailey shouted over the noise.

The crowd began to dissipate.

"Dr Montgomery," Bailey suppressed a smile, "may I have my intern?"

"Of course, Dr Bailey," Addison smirked, walking away, entirely aware of the eyes burning holes in her back.

"Grey," Bailey said, "if I ever see you being that unprofessional in front of _my_ patients again, you're gonna wish you'd picked another hospital."

Meredith nodded, embarrassed and turned to walk away.

"Oh, and Meredith?"

"Yes?"

"Nicely done," she gave the intern a smile.

"Thank you, Dr Bailey."

A loud cheer from Alex and Mark greeted Meredith and Addison as they walked into

Joe's bar with Cristina.

"Dude," Alex grinned at the couple, "that was _hot_!" Mark agreed.

"Evil Spawn," Addison warned and Meredith burst into laughter at the sound of her using Cristina's nickname for him.

"So, how were we, your roommates, not aware you had a girlfriend, let alone Mc-… Dr Montgomery?" Izzie said.

"Oh, I haven't stayed over at Meredith's house."

"Yet," Meredith whispered, squeezing the other doctor's hand under the table.

"Care to share with the rest of the class?" Cristina asked Meredith, raising her eyebrows.

"Nope," Meredith picked up a handful of peanuts, smirking.

Cristina's phone rang.

"It's Burke, I have to go." She gave Meredith a one-armed hug, glared at Alex and gave Addison an awkward smile.

"So," Mark grinned, "what happened to the Dirty Mistresses Club?

"Excuse me? What is that?" Addison asked, bewildered.

"Long story, I'll tell you later," Meredith glared at the co-founder of the club.

Addison quickly pulled out her phone and sent a text to Meredith. She looked at her and waited for her reaction.

Meredith's phone buzzed and she read the message:

'We won't be talking later. I have other things planned.'

She put her phone back in her bag and stood up.

"Addie, we have a surgery in the morning on Mrs Hempstead with the TTTS, do you want to go home now, get an early night?" she made eye contact with her girlfriend.

"I would love to," Addison smiled and held out her hand.

Meredith took it.

"Wait, I know what's happening here…" Mark grinned.

"Goodbye, Mark," Addison walked out of the bar.

Once outside, Meredith opened the passenger's door for Addison, pressing a kiss to her neck as she sat down.

Addison gasped quietly as Meredith closed the door and went to sit in the driver's seat.

The engine rumbled and the car pulled out of the car park.

There was a tense silence for the first couple of minutes.

"What are you thinking?" Meredith asked quietly.

"I intend to show you. Later."

Addison slipped her hand into Meredith's free one, her fingers warm against her skin.

Unlocking the front door, Meredith threw her keys onto the table and dropped her bag on the floor.

She pressed her body against Addison's, her warm hands touching her, feeling every curve.

"Addison," Meredith gasped softly.

"Tell me," she kissed along her neck and Meredith's body jerked as she found a particularly sensitive spot. "Tell me what you need."

She pulled away and Meredith gave an involuntary whimper at the loss of sensation.

"I need-" she gasped for breath, every nerve in her body on fire.

"You… I need you," she said more forcefully, pulling Addison into another kiss.

"George and Izzie…" Addison asked softly.

"Are out. Until…" Meredith glanced at her watch, "Twelve. We have three hours in an empty house."

Meredith took her hand and led her up the stairs.

Closing the bedroom door behind her, Meredith locked it.

"Just in case," she whispered breathily.

Meredith gently pushed Addison down on the bed, giving her one last kiss before standing up and running her fingers through her hair.

They looked at each other for a minute, marvelling at the strong desire they both felt.

Meredith smiled and lifted her own top over her head. Addison's eyes widened. Meredith unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them off, throwing them somewhere she didn't care about.

She was wearing a black bra, with matching underwear, both had lace trimming the edges. It took Addison's breath away.

Meredith pushed Addison back down on the bed, straddling her and pulled her shirt off. Her trousers came off next.

Addison flipped them over and kissed Meredith's mouth. Meredith let out a soft moan as the other woman kissed her way along her jaw and down her neck.

Addison took a moment to inhale the amazing scent where Meredith's collarbones met. She didn't realise any perfume could have this effect on her. But it was more than that. Everything about Meredith allured her; the way her eyelids drooped when she was falling asleep, her amazing depth of her eyes, the way her hands worked with natural talent in the OR and the way she kissed her with her soft lips. Everything.

The burning trail of kisses down Meredith's body reached her abdomen and Addison kissed the scar there, remembering with a smile the day she got it.

She glanced up at Meredith and her own arousal swelled impossibly as she watched Meredith's chest rise and fall rapidly.

Addison kissed Meredith's lips one last time before looking at her for confirmation as she unclasped her bra and dropped it off the side of the bed.

"Please," the word came out as almost a sob as Meredith struggled to breathe deep enough.

Finally, Addison slipped her hand downwards and knelt in front of Meredith, both of them driven almost to the point of insanity with need.

'Wow," Meredith panted, rolling onto her side to face Addison.

Addison laughed, kissing her quickly.

"You," Meredith stroked her hair, "are the most beautiful person in the world."

"Really?"

"Really," Meredith closed her eyes, then opened them again, a worried look on her face.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly one AM,"

"Oops."

"You don't think…" Addison grimaced.

"They know. Your car's outside and these walls are not very thick," Meredith giggled.

"Oh well, I can't sneak out now. I'll just spend time with you instead."

"Yay," Meredith smiled.

"We should probably go to sleep," Addison sighed.

"Well then stop touching me because _that_ ," Meredith lifted Addison's fingers from her stomach, "does not make me want to _sleep_."

Addison smiled and pulled the abandoned duvet over them both as Meredith turned over to face the other way. Happily, she closed her eyes and before long, it was morning.

 _ **A/N: Big events coming up in the next chapter. Please R &R**_


	9. Chapter 9: Timeless

Song: Kate Havnevik - Timeless

watch?v=S3GFdkCXKA8

"Mer, coffee's done," Izzie shouted. George rolled his eyes as he poured some into a mug.

"Coming!" Meredith yelled back.

"What do I do?" Addison whispered urgently.

"I don't know! You're the attending! I'm just an intern," Meredith whispered back, laughing.

"What are your friends going to think if I go down there? Do you want them to know I spent the night here?"

"Yes," Meredith threw a pillow at her girlfriend, laughing. "Yes, I want my friends to know I'm in love with the most amazing person ever-" she pulled on her jumper, "-and, I have a sex life."

"Fine," Addison chuckled, "fine."

"Dr Montgomery," George greeted her awkwardly as they passed each other on the stairs.

"Dr O'Malley," she smiled back at him.

"Good morning," Izzie said as they came into the kitchen.

Meredith stole two of Izzie's granola bars and handed one to Addison, grinning.

At the hospital, Meredith looked up from a patient to see Derek staring at her coldly.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"You asked for a neuro consult," he snapped, angrily as he began to examine the unconscious patient.

"Derek, I-"

"Don't bother, Meredith." His tone completely caused her blissful mood to completely evaporate.

"Excuse me?"

"I never thought of you as one of those people before. Guess I was wrong."

"One of _what_ people? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He laughed coldly. The sound was humourless. "Do you think Addison loves you? Do you really believe that?"

"Yes, Derek, I do. And your opinion means nothing to me. Not anymore. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to keep our relationship professional."

"She's using you. Just like she used me. For sex, to punish me, whatever. She's using you. Everyone else can see that. Why can't you?"

Meredith stood there, gaping at him. Her eyes pricked with tears.

"Page me when you've done a CT," Derek said, before walking brusquely away.

Cristina put her hand on Meredith's arm.

"Mer? Are you okay?"

Meredith turned to face her friend, tears brimming in her eyes.

"No one thinks that. You're okay. It's okay."

"He's just jealous," Meredith's voice wobbled.

"Yes. Don't do that thing where you overthink one person's opinion and get all dark and twisty over it. I know you. I need you okay. You're my person."

Meredith's chest felt tight with pain as she closed the curtain and left. She bumped into Addison, who kissed her cheek.

"You're strangely quiet. Is it your head? Are you in any pain?" Addison asked as they walked down a corridor.

"No, no, my head's fine. I just feel a bit… I don't know… off."

"Are you sure? I can call Richard," Addison worried.

"I'm fine, really. It's just PMS or something."

Addison nodded, her brow furrowed.

Richard joined them.

"Meredith, your mother is here. It looks like she's in heart failure and she needs surgery. Burke's treating her. I just thought you'd want to know. I'm sorry."

"Is… is she still lucid? I was going to visit her a week ago and they told me she just woke up and remembered everything."

"Yes, she is. She's in room 3521."

Addison glanced at Meredith as Richard left.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Addison asked.

"Yes, please. I just don't know what to expect with her. She's… not… she has a long history of being disappointed in me." This was the last thing she needed after all the horrible visits to the Home.

Addison put her arm around Meredith's shoulders and they walked to the elevator.

"Meredith! Meredith!" said Ellis Grey.

"Mom," Meredith tried to smile, sitting down on the bed.

Addison stood outside the Ellis' room where she was waiting, her heart aching for Meredith. She checked her phone while she waited, listening.

"What's your life like? I really do want to know you, Meredith."

"Well, I have a girlfriend."

"Of course. Have you chosen a specialty?"

"No. It's still early."

"Cristina's chosen cardio. What does your girlfriend do? Does she understand the demands of your career?"

"So you met Cristina. Yeah, Addison's an OB and she's sub-specialised in foetal medicine, so she gets it."

"What about you?"

"Well, I guess I'm just waiting to be inspired. I'm happy now. You know, I feel like I know who I am. When you have someone in your life you really love, I think that's I don't know. I just - I'm really happy."  
-

"What happened to you?" Ellis Grey asked nastily all of a sudden.

"What do you mean?" Meredith sighed.

"You're happy!" she scoffed, "The Meredith I knew was a force of nature. Passionate, focused, a fighter. What happened? You've gone soft. Stammering about a girlfriend, saying you're waiting to be inspired? Are you kidding? I have a disease for which there is no cure. That would be inspiration enough! Listen to me, Meredith. Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy, but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up and discover that you're no more than ordinary!"

Meredith stood up slowly and caught Addison's eye, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You want to know why I'm so unfocused? So ordinary?" she clutched the end of the bed and stared down at the woman, trying not to sob.  
"You want to know what _happened_ to me? You! _You_ happened to me!"

"Then let me refuse the heart surgery," Ellis said angrily, unabashed by her daughter's tears.

"No!"

"Why not?" Ellis shouted.

"Because killing my mother," Meredith shouted back "is not going to be another thing that _happens_ _to me_."

She stormed out of the room, slamming the door.

Addison held her as she sobbed and Meredith wiped her eyes quickly.

"I'm fine." She walked quickly away.


	10. Chapter 10: A Bitter Song

Song: Butterfly Boucher – A Bitter Song

watch?v=Y6gASIf6h5k

Meredith closed the door of her locker closed to see Cristina staring at her intently.

"What?" she asked.

"Um, nothing."

Meredith raised her eyebrows. Their pagers began to beep and Bailey entered the locker room;

"There's been a trauma, no details yet but they're asking for a team. All of you, follow me."

As they neared the ambulance, Cristina was biting her tongue, wondering what to say.

"Mer?"

"What's going on?" There was a pause. "You might as well tell me, everyone knows everything about me," she whispered, staring at the floor as the other interns pretended they weren't looking at her.

"Burke-"

"You're not pregnant again, are you? Because I can't handle the months of bitchiness."

"No," Cristina laughed nervously.

"They only have room for five," Bailey said. The interns all looked up hopefully. "Grey, Karev, O'Malley, Stevens, come on. Yang, I need you here.

"Dr Bailey," Addison ran up to them, "the Chief paged. He said they're asking for an OB, just as a precaution."

"Okay, O'Malley, go and help Yang," George stood by Cristina, slightly less reluctantly, "Dr Montgomery, we're leaving now."

Cristina looked hesitant, but turned to walk back into the hospital, scowling.

The ambulance ride was short and soon enough, they parked. Meredith clutched Addison's hand under the bench nervously.

"Meredith," Addison whispered while the others talked.

Meredith went to say something, but shook her head and focused on placing her ID correctly.

Bailey eyed Meredith doubtfully.

"Grey,"

"Yes, Dr Bailey?"

"You look like you're about to pass out."

"No. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

The doors opened and they all stepped out of the vehicle.

People were everywhere. Somewhere, a child was screaming. There was blood everywhere and the putrid stink of smoke and charred flesh tinged the air.

Each of them ran to help, quickly assessing each patient and helping them. More and more ambulances pulled up to transfer the victims of the ferry boat crash to various hospitals.

Addison was assisting Meredith with a patient when a clap of thunder silenced them for a moment. Meredith shivered despite the warmth of her jacket.

"Are you okay here?" Meredith asked her, "I think Alex needs some help over there," she gestured.

"Yes, I'll just get him into an ambulance. Meredith, don't listen to your mother, but is it her who wants you to choose a speciality or is it you? I can help you if it would make you feel better."

"No. I can't- I'm done. With her, with everyone hating me, with Finn, I can't do it anymore. I can't," she tried to keep the tears from her voice.

Meredith finished helping Addison and knelt to help the man Alex was working on.

"Mer, I have to go, Bailey's paging me. Just secure the straps on the brace and stop the bleeding," he said.

Meredith nodded slowly and pushed more rags against the bleeding wound. The man suddenly began to thrash in pain as the wound bled. His arm hit Meredith in the stomach and she doubled over in pain. Addison ran over to help.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked as she frantically tried to calm down the patient.

"Fine, just winded."

They worked quickly, administering drugs and tying a tourniquet with efficiency.

"Are you okay, Meredith?" Addison stood up.

"No," she whispered. "But this man is less okay. Help me move him?"

Meredith stood and stepped around the patient, when suddenly, a spasm of pain caused him to kick Meredith.

A look of horror came across her face as she lost her balance. Addison whipped around to see her fall backwards over the edge.

"Meredith!" she shouted hysterically, dropping her stethoscope. The sound of her voice was unnoticed in the chaos around her.


	11. Chapter 11: Grace

Song: Grey's Anatomy Cast - Grace

watch?v=C_gGQS5qDk

The icy water of Elliott Bay enveloped Meredith's body. Her limbs thrashed as she tried to reach the surface.

But she'd fallen backwards and the water was dark; she didn't know which way the surface was.

The coldness was horrible. With every thudding heartbeat, freezing needles pierced Meredith's skin and withdrew the warmth from every cell.

She fought. Hard. Her eyes were frozen wide with terror. The liquid seeped into the fabric of her clothes. Was she sinking? Or was she going to lose consciousness? Meredith had no idea what was happening.

 _So this is it,_ she thought. _This is how I die. Trying to help but failing anyway._

Her head broke the surface unexpectedly. She couldn't breathe. Not water. Not air. Nothing.

Her lungs ached and her head throbbed. Her limbs wouldn't move. The waves lapped over her head again as she slowly lost the ability or the will to kick.

Meredith's lungs sucked in the murky water. Her throat burned, but she felt… _calm_.

The blue darkness of the water was beginning to fade into nothing. Nothing.

Blackness took over. She didn't hurt anymore. Everything slipped away and she would have smiled at the relief.

Words floated around the dark depths of her mind.

"Imagine my _disappointment_ ,"

"She's using you. Why can't you see that?"

"I'm giving you another chance."

Faces loomed before Meredith's eyes. Derek's callous expression and the sound of his humourless laugh. Her mother's blind fury, her disappointed glare. Addison's face the first time they met. George's for all those months when he hated her.

They all blurred into one as Meredith took a voluntary breath of water and finally stopped struggling.

And it all just stopped.

"No! Bailey! Alex!" Addison screamed.

"Dr Montgomery?" Bailey's eyes widened at the pure terror in her voice.

"Meredith fell! Over the edge!" Addison yanked off her jacket, sobbing desperately.

"What?" Alex yelled. "Addison don't you dare-"

She jumped.

The cold was unbearable, but she fought harder than ever before. Pure adrenaline keeping her afloat. She knew her body was going into shock and she didn't care because she knew Meredith had been under longer.

 _She can swim_. _She told you, she knows how to swim._

Somewhere at the back of her mind, a nagging voice grew louder.

 _She knows_ how _to swim, but what if she doesn't want to?_

She silenced it and pushed herself deeper under the waves.

There was a blurry mass in the corner of her peripheral vision. Her heart leapt.

It took what felt like hours to reach her, and Addison was running out of oxygen fast. She felt fatigue beginning to creep up on her but ignored it, completely driven to save the person who she could never bear to lose.

Eventually, she reached around Meredith's chest and pulled upwards. The weight was almost impossible with her soaking clothes. Her hand slipped to Meredith's neck as she fought her way in the direction she perceived to be up. There was nothing there. No pulse. Her skin felt almost colder than the water.

Addison's side crashed into something hard and solid as she tried to stay conscious. Her head broke the surface and she gasped. Warm hands held her up s she pulled Meredith's body up the steps.

She spat out water as they lay Meredith down on a gurney.

"Bailey," she choked, "there's no pulse."

"It's going to be okay."

Alex helped her into the same ambulance as Meredith and Bailey climbed in with them. All the patients had been moved now.

Addison rolled over, her hands landing on Meredith's arms. Alex was doing compressions and Bailey was forcing oxygen into her lungs.

"No," Addison gasped, ripping off her own oxygen mask.

She shoved Alex aside with more force than she realised she was capable of.

"No," she pushed hard on her chest, ripping away her shirt.

"One, two three, four," she whispered as her body shook violently.

"Addison let go, you need to warm up or you'll get hypothermic."

"No!" she shouted, "she can't die. No. No."

She stopped and felt for a pulse. There was nothing there.

"There's no pulse. I need… epi, push two of epi," her vision swam in and out of focus.

"ETA's two minutes."

Alex and Bailey shared a look.

"She doesn't _have_ two minutes," Addison screamed. "Push two of epi. NOW!"

Alex pushed a needle into Meredith's arm.

Time had no meaning as Addison's arms gave out repeatedly. She refused to move as the doors opened and Cristina, Mark, Richard and Derek stood there.

"Jane Doe," Derek began.

"It's Meredith! It's not Jane Doe, it's Meredith Grey!"

"No!" Cristina shouted, shoving Derek out of the way. He fell against the wall. "Screw you, Derek! Screw you!"

Addison collapsed as Cristina took over compressions. Mark caught her and Bailey grabbed a wheelchair.

"I'm fine! Get the hell off me!" Addison screamed desperately. "Meredith is dying! Get off me!"

She got up and ran after them.

The walls shifted alarmingly as she ran. Blackness laced the corners of her vision and she gasped for breath, realising for the first time that her throat was burning.

Someone slammed the door in her face and she fell against the wall, sobbing.

"Addison." Mark found her.

"They threw me out."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to go in there," Addison whispered, shoving away her dripping hair, "and I need to come."

"Get me a new warm blanket, her temp's still at eighty," Cristina murmured, doing chest compressions on Meredith's icy skin.

The monitor flat lined and Addison leant the wall.

"Oh my god," she gasped, "oh my god."

"She's hypothermic!" Bailey said.

"Charge to two hundred."

The monitor stabilised and Richard took over CPR.

"Try a… warm peritoneal lavage with warm fluids and a thoracotomy," Addison said loudly.

"Fine. Anyone who isn't helping, move!" Richard yelled.

Cristina stood next to Addison.

"How's her temp?"

"Only up to eighty one now," Cristina said, crying.

"She will come through this," Addison held her.

"You don't know that," Cristina said.

"I believe she will be okay," Addison said forcefully.

Cristina stared at her for a long moment before standing up.

"I can't do this."

She left.

The monitor flat lined again.

"NO!" Addison shouted, pushing her way through the crowd. "Meredith, don't do this. You are not going to die. You will not die."

Bailey nodded. "We need to warm her up and start her heart. Get me the warm fluids."

"Addison, I can't do this with you in here. Leave."

"I can't. She need me. Bailey, she can swim. She knows how to swim."

Bailey's face fell as she continued CPR.

"She knew to swim. Her mother…"

"I heard. Addison, go."

Addison kissed Meredith's freezing hand and walked to Ellis Grey's room.

The woman was gasping, the monitor beeping loudly while George tried to help her.

"Sedate her," Addison said.

"On whose authority, Dr Montgomery?"

"Mine."

The other doctors left as she stabilised.

"You broke her. You called her ordinary. You taught her time and time again that nothing she does is ever good enough," Addison approached her.

"Every good thing Meredith is happened. _Despite you._ She may not survive this. That's on you. That is on _you_."

Addison glared at her and slammed the door as she left. She collapsed against the wall and closed her eyes.

"Code Blue!" Someone shouted. Addison looked behind her. Ellis Grey was dying.

"What about a cardiopulmonary bypass?" Bailey suggested.

Richard nodded. "Page Burke and the surgical team."

"What's her temp?" Addison asked, coming into the OR.

"It's up to ninety six. We need to restart her heart."

"That looks like a rhythm," Addison cried as they shocked her again.

"Her temp's ninety eight degrees."

"So she's warm." Richard said as Addison sobbed hysterically.

"Clear!" the monitor showed no sign of a heartbeat.

Bailey looked down and Richard faced away.

"No!" Addison whispered.

The door opened.

"Shock her again," Cristina said. Richard and Bailey looked at her sadly and Addison put her hands over her mouth, shivering.

"Try again!" Cristina screamed.

Bailey hesitated, so Addison grabbed the paddles.

The monitor beeped. It beeped again. And again.

"She's got a heartbeat!" Addison said, feeling her neck which was no longer cold.

Meredith's blood pressure increased evidently on the monitor and Addison kissed her mouth, tears of joy running down her face.

Bailey removed the intubation tube from Meredith's mouth.

"Is she breathing on her own?" Addison gasped.

"Y-yes! She's breathing fine," Bailey exclaimed.

"I'll page Derek for a brain function test," Richard said.

"No," Cristina snarled.

"Anyone but him," Addison nodded.

Bailey nodded and left the room with Richard.

"When will she-" Cristina began.

"I don't know," Addison whispered.

Meredith's fingers moved slightly in Addison's hand.

"Oh my-" she jumped, "Cristina! Meredith, can you hear me?"

Her eyelids fluttered.

"Mer, say something so we know you're okay."

She moaned slightly as Addison leant over her.

They waited in anticipation.

"Ouch," Meredith croaked, opening her eyes.

"God, you're never boring, are you?" Addison kissed her softly.

"Addie," Meredith whispered, smiling weakly, "sorry."

"Don't ever stop fighting again."

"I'm getting married to Burke." Cristina blurted it out.

Meredith smiled at her, her eyes twinkling.

"I know that's not at all on your list of thoughts right now, but you are the only person I needed to tell."

Meredith nodded very slightly.

"Thank you for not dying."


	12. Chapter 12: Ruby Blue

Song: Roisin Murphy – Ruby Blue

watch?v=E34_xmZSAHc

"I think this is the first time in a while where I've been in a bed with you wearing clothes."

"Really?" Addison smirked, "maybe we should change that."

Meredith grinned and straddled Addison who gave a gasp at the touch.

She forced their lips together and slipped her hand up Addison's top.

"No bra?" she smiled.

"Too uncomfortable to sleep in."

"Mm," Meredith agreed as she kissed Addison's neck.

The door swung open.

"Meredith! What is Alex doing in the house?" Izzie shouted, sitting down on the bed.

"He's moving in," Meredith said, annoyed, "I'm a bit busy here."

"Yeah, yeah. Sex. Whatever."

"And I'm up," Addison got out of bed, trying not to laugh at Meredith's friends.

"He needed a place to live. I mean, do you know where he was living before?"

"Probably a whorehouse."

"Exactly," Meredith laughed, "I had a near-death… whatever and I'm using the chance I've got to be positive. People are what matters."

"What? You hate people! You're crazy now," Izzie laughed, standing up.

"Why are there two other half-naked women in your room, Mer?" Alex said, "Not that I mind."

"Because I was trying to have sex with my girlfriend and Izzie was taking a shower."

"Nice," Alex grinned as he left.

"Okay! Everybody, let's do this once." Meredith slammed her locker door to get everyone's attention as they whispered to each other. "She's dead, I'm fine, she's been cremated, I picked out a beautiful urn and she's hanging out in the back of my closet. Any more questions about my dead mother?"

"Not creepy at all," Cristina said.

"Look who found some clothes!" Alex grinned at Izzie.

"Shut it!"

"Am I missing something here?" Cristina said, "Oh wait, I don't care."

Alex made a face.

"Interns, as you know, your intern exam is very soon. I have booked the skills lab for the next week and none of you will be permitted to take on new patients until I give the okay. You're in the pit," Bailey said.

"But that means-" Cristina stared.

"No surgeries unless they are approved by the Chief of Surgery."

They all groaned. Richard Webber would never let them in an OR when he could be teaching them elsewhere.

"However, seeing as Dr Webber is not here today, an interim Chief is being chosen." She looked at her pager. "Dr Montgomery. Also, if you ask for a neuro consult, Dr Shepherd is on leave."

Everyone looked at Meredith.

"What?" she asked. "no special treatment."

"Sure," Cristina sulked.

Meredith looked at her watch; it was nearly the end of her shift. Just half an hour to go.

"Mr Johnson, I'm just going to give you a local anaesthetic to numb your arm so I can close the wound," Meredith said.

He nodded and she began to suture the cut. Meredith's pager beeped. It was Addison.

"Can you finish this?" she asked Izzie, "I have to go."

"Sure," Izzie smiled brightly, "booty call," she muttered as Meredith walked past.

Meredith glared at her and got on the elevator.

"So, do you like my new office?" Addison smiled, closing the blinds on each window one by one.

"It's nice," Meredith laughed at her enthusiasm. "Congratulations, Chief."

"Hmm, that sounds strange," Addison sat at the desk.

"I think it sounds sexy."

"Sexy?"

"Yes." Meredith walked slowly towards her and sat on the edge of the desk. "So," she let her fingers run through Addison's hair, "why'd you page me?"

"I…thought… I could … help you… study," Addison punctuated the sentence with kisses.

"H-how?" Meredith stuttered

"Like this."

Addison kissed her mouth again. Slowly, deliberately, making every second count. She didn't pull away until Meredith felt dizzy from lack of oxygen. Even then, she continued her mission to drive Meredith insane, her fingers tangling in her blonde hair.

Meredith looked into Addison's eyes for a moment, her eyes dark with need.

Addison kissed her fully on the lips again, her tongue tracing the soft skin there. Meredith gasped and a strangled moan escaped her lips as she pressed herself against Addison, desperate for pressure where there was only touch.

"Wait three minutes, and meet me in the on-call room next door," Addison said.

Meredith locked the door behind her.

Addison smiled at her from the bed.

"Take off your clothes," she said, her lips curving slightly upwards.

"What about you?"

"No, this is for you… to help you study."

Meredith nodded and quickly removed her scrubs and approached Addison. Her breathing increased as Addison kissed her way along her jaw, pulling her downwards and straddling her hips, both of them sensing the warmth between them.

"Don't tease me," Meredith gasped as Addison's hips moved against hers. Her hands traced Meredith's hips and she pulled off her underwear and pressed their bodies close together.

"What part of the brain processes spatial awareness?"

"Occipital lobe," Meredith whispered, trying hard to stay still as Addison continued her torturing.

"Yes," Addison murmured. She pushed her knee between Meredith's thighs and the intern's eyes closed at the feeling.

Addison finally slipped her hand between Meredith's legs and her hips bucked involuntarily. She moaned into Addison's mouth. Her fingers moved in small circles and Meredith's mind turned to mush.

"Ah!" Addison pressed hard against her swollen skin.

"What are the symptoms of a central line infection?"

Meredith couldn't breathe properly, let alone think.

"Pus," she panted, "Um… r-redness and… f-fever."

"Good," Addison kissed her neck exactly where she knew Meredith loved. Her hips flew upwards as her motions quickened.

"What is the medical term for Conn's Syndrome?"

Meredith hesitated, distracted by the waves of pleasure taking over her body. Addison stopped her movements and Meredith whimpered softly.

"Primary hyperste- no… hyperaldosteronis."

"Excellent."

Addison smiled down at Meredith, whose body was trembling slightly and covered in a light sheen of sweat. She pushed a finger inside her and Meredith's hips lifted to meet her movements.

"Oh," she gasped, her eyes closing slightly.

"What is the most common cause for pancreatitis in adults?"

"Gallstones."

Addison's hands moved faster, learning where Meredith liked to be touched.

"What are the five W's to determine the cause of post operative fever?" Addison slowed down her movements, eliciting an animalistic growl from Meredith.

"Please…"

"You know this," Addison's breath was hot on her neck.

"Uh, wind?" she sat up slightly, leaning shakily on her elbows as Addison's spare hand slid up her top.

"Go on," Addison's fingers dipped between her legs again.

"Ah-" Meredith gulped, "water, wound, walking…"

"And?"

"W-wonder drugs."

Addison nodded knelt between her legs, pushing them out of the way.

"You're going to ace this test."

She leant forward to finish the job. Meredith pulled the pillow over her mouth to muffle the sounds as shudders of pleasure took over her body.

Addison suddenly stopped what she was doing and smiled down at her.

"Please… please don't stop-"

Meredith inhaled sharply as Addison curled her fingers upwards. Her fingertips grazing a special spot inside her that made Meredith's legs shake.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Meredith had never felt anything like this before. She had no control over what her body was doing or feeling in that moment. The sex with Derek had been good – well, at the time she'd thought it was good. Every other time hadn't been very special, but _this_ , this was something entirely new. Meredith realised that she loved it.

"Shh, just relax" Addison whispered, her fingers moving faster and faster as Meredith's heart pounded in her chest.

Meredith lost herself in the feeling of Addison inside her as her hips thrust upwards uncontrollably. She squeezed her eyes shut as Addison used her spare hand which had been tracing circles on Meredith's hip to rub her gently at the same time.

She couldn't take it anymore. The ebbing waves of bliss were becoming almost too strong to bear. Meredith couldn't do this for a second longer, but she never wanted it to stop.

Every muscle in Meredith's body tightened as she began to fall over the edge, clutching the sheets as her nails dug into her palms.

"Addie," she moaned, gasping, " Addie, please," she wasn't even sure what she was asking for.

"I love you. Let go for me," Addison replied simply as Meredith's body convulsed under her.

Her fingers pushed in and out faster and faster for the last few seconds and Meredith almost blacked out.

A couple of minutes past as Meredith's breathing became more regular.

"You're so beautiful," Addison said quietly.

Once again, she smiled to herself as she reached down to touch Meredith again, not being able to resist her.

"Addie," she moaned desperately, "I don't think I can-" she cut herself off with a loud moan as Addison slipped two fingers inside her again, looking into her eyes as her breathing hitched.

"I can't-" Meredith whimpered, her hips bucking wildly as her second climax began.

"You can. Don't fight it. Just feel." She moved backwards down the bed and placed her hands on either side of Meredith's body. Her hair tickled Meredith's thighs as her breath on her hot skin made Meredith's head swim. She moved forwards and fixed her head between Meredith's legs as Meredith's eyes darkened with immeasurable arousal as pleasure began to overcome her for the third time that evening.

The world came back slowly as Meredith regained the ability to think coherently.

"Are you still alive under there?" Addison chuckled lightly.

"No," Meredith whispered without opening her eyes.

"That was… _incredible_ …"

"Hmm," Addison agreed, kissing Meredith's mouth.

"My legs are still shaking."

"I know," Addison laughed.

"How am I meant to walk?" she whined.

"I'll carry you."

Meredith snorted, getting out of bed.

"You know," she smirked, "I think I'll have to return the favour tonight."

"Excellent," Addison flashed a smile.

Meredith stood up and nearly fell over straight away.

"Drink this," Addison handed her a paper cup of water, "and I know I'm good, but don't pass out on me, Grey."

"I won't," Meredith laughed breathlessly. "Addie?"

"Yes," she smiled.

"Thank you."


	13. Chapter 13: Scratch

Song: : Kendall Payne - Scratch

watch?v=4LkLHIYDnvM

"I know you're only here because Dr Montgomery made you come, Dr Grey."

"Actually, Cristina told me this would be a good idea too," Meredith smiled slightly.

"Anyway," the doctor opened Meredith's chart, "do you want to tell me how you are today?"

"I'm good, great actually."

"Excellent. And why's that?"

"My life is... I'm happy. Really happy. Addison makes me happy. I passed my intern exam and my career is going really well. I'm interested in general surgery as a specialism. My friends are great, I'm great."

"I'm glad you're feeling optimistic, Dr Grey."

"Me too."

"And how do you feel about Dr Shepherd leaving?"

"Relieved. I'm relieved. It's… better without him here."

"Okay. Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about today? I know you've been through a lot lately, which is kind of why we're here."

"I guess so."

"Well?"

"Well, what do you want me to say?

"I want you to tell me about the things that have happened to you."

"Why?" Meredith frowned. "Why does everyone constantly want to dig up the past? Why can't we just leave it where it is and move on? I'm happy now – I'm bright and shiny and happy! Why is that never enough for anyone?"

"See, now where getting somewhere."

"We are getting nowhere. There is nowhere to go. I have to get to work."

The bubbles smelled of lavender.

Addison leant against the bathroom doorway, staring at the back of Meredith's head; she was facing the other way. She sighed quietly to herself. Addison knew Meredith was genuinely happy at the moment, but it worried her how little Meredith wanted to talk about everything.

Every time Meredith ignored a topic opener about Elliott Bay or Finn or Derek, Addison's chest tightened in fear. The last time she'd hidden everything she was feeling… Addison didn't want to think about that. And that was the problem.

"So," Addison said as she approached the bathtub, "you were on general today. How was the first taste of the rest of your life?" her fingers swirled the water in the massive tub.

"Amazing!" she grinned, "Bailey let me scrub in on an appendectomy _and_ a strangulated hernia repair."

Addison chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"You're in a good mood."

"I am. Care to join me?" Meredith gestured to the empty end of the bathtub.

"Sure," Addison slipped the robe off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

She stepped into the steaming water and sat down, smiling at the wide-eyed look on Meredith's face.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, I am not having sex with you in the bath, so don't get any ideas!"

"Oh, I have lots of ideas," Meredith grinned, "Anyway, how would that even work? One of us would end up with a head injury!"

"Or both. That would be hard to explain."

"Well, you are the chief now, we could get away with it."

"Richard didn't leave to spend time with Adele so that I can get away with sex injuries. And besides, I work with Mark Sloan. I'd never hear the end of it." She grimaced, "You're a strange one, Grey."

"Yeah, well, you knew that going in."

"True. You have bubbles on your hair, come here."

Addison reached over to brush the foam from Meredith's hair when the door opened.

"Mer?" Cristina said, "Dr Montgomery, sorry, I didn't realise you'd be in here."

"Wait – how often do you see my girlfriend naked in the bath? Am I missing something here?" Addison protested, slightly jealously.

"Calm down, she's seen it all before," Meredith stood up and grabbed a towel from the rail, "plus, she's straight."

Addison sunk deeper under the water, the bubbles hiding her body from sight.

"What is it, Cristina?" Meredith laughed, "Addie's getting jealous."

"I am _not_ ," Addison lied.

"Burke and I broke up."

"What? What did he do? You're engaged! Screw the stupid oath, I'm going to kill that man!" Meredith said angrily.

"Mer, I broke up with him."

Meredith grabbed Cristina by the elbow and dragged her out of the bathroom, leaving Addison alone in the bathroom. She tried not to listen to them arguing.

"I can't believe you're actually doing this, Meredith. Cristina I can understand, but really? You're competing for the sparkle pager?"

"Yes! I am! I'm going to fight them and I'm going to win!" Meredith said fiercely.

"I know you could win, but when will I see you? You're going to be spending weeks at the hospital!"

"I _could_ win? I _can_ win and I intend to. Cristina's not the only rock star around here. Addie, you're the chief and I'll be staying in the hospital. You'll see me."

"Fine," Addison frowned.

"Fine."

They got into bed.

"Why are you staring at me? Go to sleep," Meredith sulked, not looking at her.

Addison didn't reply for a moment and Meredith rolled over, glowering.

"You're _really_ sexy when you're angry," Addison muttered, trying not to laugh.

"Oh, don't think you're getting out of this so easily."

Addison brought their lips together softly. There was a new sense of urgency in the kiss. Meredith's fingers pulled slightly at her hair, their lips pressing together hard, chests heaving. She parted her lips as she pulled away slightly, pressing a trail of passionate kisses on Addison's neck as she threw her leg over the woman's waist. Meredith pushed her shoulders away. Addison's eyes were burning with insatiable desire.

Meredith forced her down on the bed, blocking Addison's attempts to kiss her.

"I can win this. I will. You know I can. You _know_ what I'm capable of," she whispered, her fingers teasing the burning skin of Addison's neck.

"I know you can. I know. You will. I'm sorry."

"Good," Meredith brought their lips together again, Addison's body struggling under her as they touched. "Good."

She straddled her and began to move her hips slowly.

"Oh, god- Meredith," Addison moaned quietly, "you have… no idea… what you do to me."

"Actually," Meredith said, her voice low, "I do."

She lifted her hips enough to pull up Addison's nightgown and yanked it over her head, throwing it off the bed with a surge of elation. She laughed breathlessly as they kissed. Her hands travelled to Addison's flushed chest, her fingers touching her softly.

"Meredith," Addison groaned, "I… please…"

"What?" she smiled slowly, "tell me what you need."

"I need-" she paused to moan as Meredith rolled her hips slowly, "I need _you_."

"Oh. Okay."

Meredith left her alone for a moment as she pulled her top back into place and got off the bed.

"Meredith-" Addison gasped.

"I'll be back in a second. You won't be complaining in a minute."

Her words penetrated the many layers of confused arousal preventing Addison from thinking clearly. What did she mean? She sat up and watched Meredith cross the room and open her wardrobe.

She closed her eyes, trying to slow the racing of her heart.

Meredith entered the bathroom for a second and came out of the doorway slipping her robe off her shoulders. She was naked underneath.

"I didn't really see the point in wearing much," she chuckled at Addison's expression.

"Come here," Addison grinned as Meredith straddled her again and they kissed.

Meredith gave a short laugh as they broke the kiss for air. "I never got the chance to repay you for our…" she kissed her way down her body, "…study session." She said the words slowly, implying her thoughts with her suggestive tone.

"Hmm," was all Addison could reply.

Meredith reached to the bedside table as she ran her fingers up and down Addison's thighs. There was a quiet buzzing as Meredith reached for something and brought her hand between Addison's legs. Strong shockwaves of pleasure racked Addison's body as she moaned desperately as Meredith turned the power onto full.

"How many points is that?" Cristina panted.

"Well, you're winning," Izzie glowered, "but Mer's only five points behind you."

"Crap," she muttered.

'You know she said you're winning, right?" Alex shook his head.

'What did I miss?" Meredith jogged over to them.

"You're five behind Cristina."

"That means five sutures!" A grin spread across Meredith's face as she turned around to see Bailey wheeling a patient into the pit.

They shared a glance and Meredith ran in the opposite direction.

"Miranda, didn't you have a little fun when you were a resident?"

Bailey sighed, a smile playing on her lips, "I won that competition. Got my first splenectomy with that pager."

"I knew it!" Addison smirked, "so did I – not the splenectomy, the competition. The first surgery I stole with that thing was a hysterectomy."

Bailey raised her plastic coffee up; "to the removal of organs."

"I second that," Meredith appeared, "Bailey, I need surgery. Give me something. Anything."

"Junkie," Bailey muttered as Addison picked up a folder and handed it to her. "Scrub in on Dr Burke's valve repair."

Meredith dashed off in the opposite direction, only to turn around and kiss Addison's cheek quickly before leaving again.

"How is Grey?" Bailey asked, looking up at Addison.

"She's… I don't know, Miranda. She seems like she's fine – I mean, she says she's happy, but she won't talk about anything."

"Have you tried bringing it up? Elliott Bay? Or Shepherd?"

Addison made a face. "Honestly, I've given up. She just runs away, literally, and tells me she has a surgery, or changes the subject."

"You need to find another way. She can't go on like this."

"I know," Addison rubbed her temples, sighing. "I know."


	14. Chapter 14: You Wouldn't Like Me

Song: : Sleeping at Last - You wouldn't like me

watch?v=H4KwGw-pfvg

The pen squeaked annoyingly as Meredith wrote her name on the OR board, grinning.

"Competition ends today, how're you feeling, Mer?"

"Nice try, trying to psych me out isn't going work, Izzie."

"I wasn't trying to... fine I was. But I'm out and so are Alex and George so it's just between you and Cristina."

Izzie unwrapped a granola bar as Meredith sat down next to her at the nurse's station.

"Don't let her win. We'll never see an OR again," she whispered theatrically.

Meredith laughed, shaking her head.

"What do you want me to do? Cheat?"

"Of course not!" She raised her eyebrows as Bailey approached them.

"Who's cheating?" Bailey asked with her hands on her hips.

"No one. No one's cheating. I'm just going to win."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but Yang's thirty points ahead."

"What?" Meredith spluttered, sharing a horrified look with Izzie. "How? I did two hundred sutures yesterday. Two _hundred_."

Bailey tried not to smile.

"You know what, I'm going to prep my patient now."

"Grey, you're not scrubbing in until two, the first solo surgeries not until-"

"Not anymore!" She jogged to the elevator.

"Come on," Meredith muttered under her breath as she jammed her finger into the button, "come on," she rolled her eyes.

Someone's hand pushed her's gently away.

"Out of order," said Derek Shepherd.

Meredith looked up at him, her eyes widened as a thousand memories made their way into her head.

"What are you doing here? You said-"

"I know what I said. I came back here for work. Meredith... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Whatever," she spat, "Work? Really?"

"Yes," he insisted. Derek held out a file. "Actually, I'm operating on your patient."

"Why?" Meredith asked, her heart pounding as she tried not to think about the last day she saw Derek.

"I know you don't want to see me. Addison asked me to scrub in, I didn't know it was your patient until this morning."

He smiled at her, only to receive an empty stare in response. The elevator opened and he stepped into it.

"You coming?"

"No," Meredith said, refusing to look at him.

The door to the Chief's office slammed behind her.

"Addison," Meredith said quietly.

"Meredith," she smiled widely at her, then her face fell as she saw her expression. "What is it?"

Meredith stood there for a moment. Her fingers running through her hair as she traced them up and down the bumpy scar on the back of her skull. This was one of the signs she was stressed. Addison watched her subconsciously rub the scar as she clutched the folder in her left hand hard enough for her knuckles to turn white.

"Derek is here."

"Meredith-"

" _Derek Shepherd_ is _here_. Why didn't you tell me he was coming?"

Her feet carried her towards the desk Addison was standing behind. She was close enough now that Addison could tell that her hands were trembling.

"I'm sorry. I though he'd be gone in an hour. I didn't want you to get upset. You've been fine... we're great and I didn't want Derek Shepherd to ruin that. How did you even-"

"You should have told me." Meredith opened the door to leave.

Meredith turned around again. "He's operating on my patient. That's how I know."

Addison sighed and rested her head in her hands.

"Crap."

In the bathroom, Meredith splashed water on her face, flinching at the sudden coldness of the liquid. She didn't used to mind cold showers to wake her up. Now it just made her remember things she was trying to push away. Cold water didn't sit well with her. Not anymore.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were wild and her hair was hanging limply in a ponytail. Her shaking hands held her up as she leant heavily on the cold metal of the sink.

The door opened softly.

"Mer?"

It was Cristina. She looked at her pale reflection in the mirror.

"Derek is here." She didn't trust herself to turn around.

"Meredith..."

"It's okay. I'm okay."

"No, you're not." Cristina reached out to touch her shoulder. Meredith jerked away from her. Her breathing erratic.

"I _am_."

Meredith let go of the sink and swayed slightly as she turned around. She steadied herself and left the bathroom, ignoring Cristina's protest.

The drill made a high-pitched sound as it moved quickly through the layers of the patients skull.

Derek placed the machine carefully back down on the tray and gave the skull piece a sharp tug. It came away cleanly, leaving him staring at the glistening membrane covering the brain.

"Okay," he said, taking a probe from the table, "we begin now." His surgical mask muffled his voice as Meredith stood on the other side of the room, waiting to begin her procedure.

"How did it go?" Addison asked, stepping into the scrub room as Meredith washed her hands.

Meredith didn't reply for a long moment, her eyes fixed on the sink in front of her as she scrubbed her hand with the rough sponge.

"The surgery was successful."

She looked up briefly before going back to scrubbing the same spot on her skin again.

"Good."

Meredith gave a barely noticeable nod and tried to keep her breathing even.

"Meredith..."

"I'll see you at home."

Meredith rinsed her hands again and walked quickly away. Addison noticed the angry red colour of the skin on her hands.

Addison placed her keys down on the kitchen table as she entered the kitchen. Since she'd moved in a few weeks ago, she'd become used to sharing the large house with George, Izzie and occasionally, Cristina.

"Hey," Izzie greeted her, standing up. In her hands was a tray of chocolate muffins.

"Still baking, Stevens?" Addison asked wryly.

Izzie nodded, sighing quietly.

"Where's Meredith?" Addison took off her coat.

"She went upstairs as soon as she got home. Haven't seen her since. She looked... I don't know... freaked out."

Addison frowned and nodded.

"Addison..." Izzie said nervously.

"Yes?"

"Is Meredith okay?"

There was a long pause.

"I don't know."

The bedroom door swung open softly, its hinges squeaking quietly.

"Meredith?"

Addison looked around worriedly. Meredith wasn't in the bedroom. Her gaze fell on Meredith's mobile phone which was lying on the edge of their bed. Next to it was the sparkle pager.

Addison heard the shower door close softly from the bathroom. She let out a sigh of relief and went to the bathroom.

The room was so humid Addison could barely see where she was going.

Meredith turned around.

"Oh, hi," she smiled weakly at the odd way of greeting.

"How long have you been in here?"

"I'm not sure."

"Come on," Addison shut off the water and grabbed Meredith's towel off the hook. She noticed that the water temperature was on the highest setting.

"Trying to burn yourself?"

"Hmm?" Meredith glanced at her.

"The temperature."

"Oh, no. I just don't like cold water... anymore."

"Oh."

They walked back to Meredith's bedroom.

"You won the competition."

"Yep."

"I knew you would."

They shared a look and Addison smiled at her as they shared the memory.

"Well done."

"Thanks."

They got changed quietly and got into bed.

"Meredith," Addison whispered as she reached over to turn off the light.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

Meredith stared at the ceiling for a while.

"I will be."


	15. Chapter 15: Into the Fire

Song: Thirteen Senses – Into the Fire

watch?v=KOFazFVYyTU

 _ _Beep beep__

Meredith groaned, rolling over in bed.

 _ _Beep beep__

She sat upright, accidentally pulling the duvet off Addison in the process. Addison opened her eyes and looked around blearily.

"Mine or yours?" She murmured.

Meredith grabbed the pager.

"Mine," she said, "sparkly surgery time! Go back to sleep."

Addison rolled her eyes and lay back down. She looked at the alarm clock by the bed: three in the morning.

Meredith crept downstairs, the stairs creaking abnormally loudly in the quiet of the night. Eventually, she found the light switch and warm yellow light flooded the kitchen.

She poured cold into the kettle and flicked the switch as she waited for it to boil.

Her gaze fell on the bronze urn sitting on the shelf to her left. Addison told her it was weird to keep your mother's ashes in the back of your wardrobe so Izzie suggested she should move the urn somewhere else. The shelf seemed like the obvious answer.

The click of the kettle as it boiled startled her and Meredith took a sharp intake of air, cursing under her breath. She grabbed the kettle and poured the boiling liquid into the mug

Addison opened the kitchen door.

"Wait, Meredith, before you go-"

The water splashed over her hand and arm as she jumped again. She ignored her nerve ending protesting against the scalding liquid and quickly set down the kettle, giving a surprised gasp.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Addison rushed over to her, reaching for her arm. She examined the bright red skin.

Meredith barely seemed to notice.

"It's nothing, just a burn." She finally snapped out of her daze and gently pulled her arm out of Addison's grasp.

"That's going to blister. Run it under the tap."

"I work in a hospital, Addie, I'll get some burn cream or something-"

"No. Not 'or something'. Meredith, you could have really injured yourself and you hardly even noticed."

"Addie, it's okay."

"It is __not__ okay. You can't keep being so careless. You put yourself in harm's way without a second thought, all the time. Please, just be more careful! I can't risk losing you... not again. Just do it. For me. Do it for me. Please."

"I'm sorry," Meredith shut off the water and grabbed her keys as she left.

When Meredith got to the hospital, Derek was long gone. She sighed with relief as she stood in front of the OR board again, staring at the list of surgeries. Her fingers grazed the inflamed skin of her arm and she winced slightly. She pulled her sleeve down as she heard Mark approach her.

"Grey," Mark called from the nurses' station.

"Mark," she smiled. He'd been a great friend to her as well as Addison for the past ten months or so. Meredith had been unsure of his friendship with Addison at the beginning because of what had happened between them but she knew it was all in the past.

"I have a skin grafting surgery in ten if you're interested. Addie said you've got the legendary sparky pager. I figured you'd just steal it from Karev anyway."

"You're right. See you then?"

"Yep. OR 1."

"Great," she smiled.

The sound of the monitor was comforting as Meredith sat opposite Mark in the operating room, on either side of the patient's damaged arm.

"Looks like we're almost done here, Dr Grey, do you want to suture the graft?"

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yes, this is a teaching hospital after all," Mark grinned behind the surgical mask.

"Who are you and what have you done with Mark Sloan?"

"Turned over a new leaf... or whatever. That sister of yours is a good influence."

Meredith chuckled lightly and reached for the suture kit. She winced as her glove rubbed against her burned skin.

"You alright?"

"Fine." She grimaced discreetly as the rubber irritates the wound as she worked. "Ouch," she muttered.

"Excuse me, can you take over here?" Mark said to a resident behind him.

"Dr Sloan-" Meredith protested.

"Dr Grey, step outside," his tone was stern as he pulled off his gown.

They walked silently out of the operating room and Meredith felt everyone in the room staring at her as they left.

"Roll up your sleeve."

"Mark-"

"I said roll up your sleeve."

Sighing, Meredith gingerly pulled back the material. Underneath, the skin was shiny and red, large blisters beginning to form around the edges. Mark's eyes widened.

"What the hell did you do?"

"I had a fight with a kettle. I lost."

"Clearly. Let me clean this up."

He grabbed a couple of packages from the shelves and lead her to a private room.

Meredith wobbled slightly as she sat down in the chair. She suddenly felt light headed.

"Dizzy?" Mark looked at her, his brow furrowed.

"A little," she admitted.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Meredith paused, trying to think.

"Um..." she avoided his eyes, praying he wouldn't page Addison. It must have been yesterday morning at the latest.

"Meredith! For God's sake, look after yourself!" Mark said angrily.

"It's not a big deal, Mark. I'll go and eat something now."

"I'm coming with you."

"Don't tell Addison. I'm okay, really, I'm just busy."

"There's a line Meredith. Residents still need to eat."

As Mark secured the dressing on her arm, Meredith's pager beeped. She glanced at it quickly.

"Incoming trauma, all hands on deck. I have to go. I'll eat a granola bar, I promise."

"You'd better," Mark muttered as she left. He sighed, watching her walk down the corridor.

"Am I late?" Meredith pulled her sleeve down over the bandages as she stood in front of Bailey.

"You've just missed the ambulance. There were only two patients anyway. The rest went to Seattle Pres, but there's one more coming."

"Right," Meredith frowned, a wave of dizziness washing over her. She leant on the door frame, ignoring Bailey's glance.

"What happened, anyway?"

"Gas leak in a hotel, pretty nasty explosion."

"Wow. Not something you see every day."

"Nope." Bailey frowned at her.

"Are you alright, Grey?"

"Sure."

The ambulance pulled up outside and Meredith made herself walk towards it.

"John Doe, found unconscious at the scene, head trauma, hasn't regained consciousness yet."

Bailey helped pull the gurney towards the entrance where Meredith was waiting.

She saw the patient's hand resting on the railing of the gurney. He was wearing a ring with a strange design. Meredith recognised it from somewhere. She just couldn't remember where.

She pulled the gauze away from his face and her blood ran cold. Her breath caught in her throat and the sound of her heart pounding overcame Bailey's voice.

"That's not John Doe," she gasped.

"Meredith?" Bailey placed her hand on her shoulder, trying to understand what was happening.

"That's Finn Dandridge."

Meredith fought back the urge to vomit and turned around as she walked quickly back into the hospital, bile creeping up her throat as she rushed past Cristina, trying to get as far away from him as possible. She had to get away.

She barely made it to the staff toilets before she began heaving. There was nothing left in her stomach to come up. She eventually managed to stand up, her body shaking. Meredith's breath came in short gasps and tears were running down her cheeks as she tried desperately to breathe deeply enough.

She collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall as her chest rose and fell too quickly. Black spots appeared in front of her eyes.

The door swung open, hitting the wall with a crash. Meredith briefly thought that it was lucky she was out of sight behind the sinks.

"Meredith?" Addison whispered, kneeling in front of her, "I'm here, it's okay. Take some deep breaths."

"I-" Meredith gulped down air precipitously as she shivered violently, "I can't-" her voice was cut off by a round of hysterical sobbing.

"He-" she began hyperventilating. "H-he's… here… I-" she gasped uncontrollably for breath.

"Come on, I need you to breathe for me, okay? Slow down, just breathe." Addison's voice was frantic. "Come on, breathe, that's it." She managed to take one deep breath but it caught in her throat as she started crying again.

"You're safe, I promise I'll keep you safe. He'll be gone soon. I love you."

"Addie… I… can't… b-breathe." Meredith's skin was pale and clammy as Addison stroked her hair, looking around for something to help her. She felt Meredith's pulse racing as she gasped desperately, panic overcoming her as her body struggled to get enough oxygen.

Nausea bubbled in her stomach again and she crawled towards the toilet. She retched but nothing happened. Meredith's chest felt tight… too tight. Her lungs couldn't expand enough to work properly. She was completely overcome with terror.

"You can, just take deep breaths. Meredith, you're hyperventilating. You need to calm down or you're going to pass out."

Meredith nodded, bringing her knees up to her chest and pushing her head between them. She forced herself to stop sobbing and her fingers reached for Addison's and she clutched her hand tightly as she closed her eyes.

"I-I'm alright…" she whispered, not daring to open her eyes again.

"I know you're not. That's okay."

Meredith nodded slightly, her breathing still slightly shallow.

"Can you stand up? I think you need an oxygen mask… definitely some fluids."

She nodded again weakly and Addison gripped under her arms, helping her up.

"Addie…" the room was spinning madly.

"What's wrong?" she looked around for someone walking past the doorway.

"Dizzy-" the lack of oxygen caught up with her when she stood.

Meredith swayed slightly then went limp in Addison's arms as she fainted.

"Meredith!" Addison shook her gently.

"I need some help in here!" she shouted to the doorway, her voice breaking with fear.


	16. Chapter 16: Song Beneath the Song

Song: Maria Taylor: Song Beneath the Song

watch?v=vGSPpM3thBM

"What the hell happened?" Cristina asked as she crouched down by Meredith. She was unconscious and her skin was pale, the almost translucent parlour distinct against the blue of her scrubs.

"She was having a panic attack. She just passed out. Get Bailey," Addison said quickly as a nurse wheeled a gurney over to them. How could she have missed this? A knot of fear twisted in her stomach, adrenaline coursing through her veins. "Cristina, be discreet."

"Okay," she said, poking her head out of the doorway. "Dr Bailey," she called, her tone firm but still betraying the slightest hint of panic.

"Oh my god... Addison?" Bailey helped lift Meredith onto a gurney. She looked at Addison who was raising the sides of the gurney in order to push it. Addison was usually so calm... composed. Now her eyes were wide with worry and

"Panic attack. She lost consciousness around two minutes ago. We've got an oxygen mask on her. Her pulse is steady." The last sentence echoed around in her mind. She was okay. Physically, at least. She was okay.

"Let's get her into a private room. 2323 is free."

"That's good, it's opposite here," Cristina nodded as they wheeled her across the hallway. She noticed Meredith's eyelids flutter slightly and she moaned quietly.

Meredith was lying in the hospital bed now. Addison was stroking her hair.

"How long was I out?" She murmured. Her voice was so quiet the words were almost inaudible. She winced slightly as she pulled the oxygen mask down off her face.

"Around three minutes." Addison breathed a soft sigh of relief to see her eyes open again. "You're severely dehydrated and you're blood sugar levels are... low. Your BP's down too."

Meredith looked to her right, watching the steady, reassuring drip of the fluids from the IV bag into the tube that was attached to her arm.

"Do you want to tell me what caused the panic attack?" Addison forced the words out, hating that this was happening, hating that she didn't know how to help.

"Finn. I..." she trailed off, already trying to force it from her memory.

"He's been transferred to a different hospital. I thought it would be best."

"Have you ever had a panic attack before?" She was clutching Meredith's cold hand a little too tightly, not willing to let her go for a second.

"Yes," Meredith answered after a while. "Once. I was fifteen... it was... a long time ago."

"Okay." Addison said, staring at the wall. "Okay."

Meredith looked at the ceiling, feeling tears stinging her eyes. She tried to force away the feeling as the lump in her throat became painful. She blinked once and the tears overflowed in her eyes. She sobbed quietly, her hands covering her face as she rubbed away the moisture on her skin.

Addison looked at her when she felt the bed shake slightly.

"Oh, Meredith," she almost started crying herself. She'd seen her... dark and twisty side before but this was different. This was different. And it was horrible. Addison shifted next to her on the bed and pulled her into an embrace. Meredith rested her head on Addison's chest as she cried, no longer able to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry," Meredith's voice was a hoarse whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Addison's heart skipped a beat at the words. How could she be sorry? Did she think this was her fault?

"No. This is him. This is all him. Finn. And Ellis Grey and Derek. This is not you're fault. They did this. Don't you dare apologise for what they did to you. Just don't."

Addison felt Meredith nodding her head and she leant backwards to look into her eyes. The perfect combination of grey and blue never ceased to intoxicate her. She knew it was a cliché but she could look into Meredith's eyes for the rest of her life and be content. Even when the only emotion displayed in their depth was despair.

"I think we need to have some time to ourselves. I don't think I can..." Meredith blinked away tears.

"I can't cope with people staring at me in hallways and not John Does and exes who turn up and mothers who tell you you're a piece of crap and just _die_."

"I know. Richard told me he's coming back in a few weeks. We could take some time off and go... somewhere. We could go somewhere. Get away from Seattle for a while."

"I think it's a good plan," Meredith admitted, "but where?" She took the tissue Meredith handed her and wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath before smiling weakly at Addison again.

"I have some friends in LA. I visited them last year, there's a holiday home on the beach. It's beautiful."

"It sounds perfect. But my residency-"

"I'll talk to Bailey. It's fine. You're smart, you'll catch up in no time. Besides, it will just be for a couple of weeks."

"Thanks, but Addie, why would I be interested in the beach?"

"Hmm? I thought you loved beaches," Addison frowned.

"I do. It's just that you said the _beach_ was beautiful. Why would I be interested in a beach if you're there in comparison?"

Addison shook her head, smiling gently at her.

"You're a strange one, Grey," she chuckled dryly, stroking Meredith's head. Her fingers wound the strands of blond hair around themselves as she leant in and pressed their lips together softly. The moment she pulled away for oxygen, Addison felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Like something that had been crushing her chest had been lifted. She could finally breathe.

"You're okay. We're okay." Addison murmured.

"Yes," Meredith whispered, closing her eyes. She'd never thought actually talking about how she was feeling would be anything but pointless. It was... strange. This was what normal people did. Talk about things and be all bright and shiny. It was strange. She laughed quietly, the feeling forgotten in the midst of all this pain.

"What?" Addison raised an eyebrow at her expression. A soft smile played on he full curve of her lips. The muscles in her shoulders relaxed in response to the sound of Meredith's laugh.

"We're being... normal."

"Meredith, you and normal don't even belong in the same sentence," Addison laughed lightly. Meredith made a face, the newfound glint in her eyes remained.

"What?" Addison said, "it's true."

"You're right. But neither do you," Meredith squeezed her hand. Addison just smiled and nodded as she lay on the bed next to Meredith.

There was a knock at the door. Bailey came in and closed the door quickly behind her.

"Grey, eat this and I'll discharge you," she said, handing Meredith a tray of food.

"Thanks, Dr Bailey," Meredith said. Bailey raised her eyebrows slightly at her before opening the door.

"I'll tell Cristina you're okay. She's been asking but I thought you'd like some privacy."

"It's fine, Miranda, tell her to come in," Addison smiled, knowing that Meredith needed her best friend right now. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something," Addison stood up and followed her out into the corridor.

Cristina walked through the doorway and sat down on the vacant chair next to Meredith's bed.

"What's McGirlfriend _talking_ to Bailey about?" she cocked her head.

"Well, um…" Meredith thought of the best way to phrase it. She knew Cristina might not get it. Oh well. A few seconds passed.

"Holy crap! Are you pregnant? Wait – is Mongomery pregnant? Are you doing IVF? Because it's cool and all, but please, _please,_ don't make me be there when you give birth. You or her. Whoever. Ew," Cristina said quickly while Meredith watched in amusement at the range of emotions Cristina went through in just a few seconds.

"No one's pregnant, Cristina," Meredith chuckled as she took a bite of her apple.

"Right. Okay. Good, I bet McGirlfriend sees enough baby's being born to be put off for life."

Meredith chewed her lip thoughtfully. That was a conversation for another day. How did Cristina always seem to be one step ahead of her in her relationship?

"So," Cristina said, "panic attack, huh?" She looked at Meredith, her expression becoming more serious. She had been worried, really worried.

"Yeah," Meredith muttered, "just the one."

"Finn?"

"Mm," she made a noise of agreement.

"I had to take his bloods, so I stuck him with the needle four times and said I couldn't get the vein. Bailey thinks I can't draw blood now but it was totally worth it. I used the biggest one in the cabinet too."

"Thanks," Meredith said, trying to feel grateful when all she could think of was… _him_.

"Hey," Addison greeted them, "you okay?"

"Yes, can we go home now?" Meredith sighed, feeling the exhaustion catching up with her.

"Yeah, I got you a change of clothes from your locker."

"Thank you. What did Bailey say?" Meredith asked, then remembered she'd forgotten to tell Cristina.

"About what?" Cristina asked.

"We're going to LA for a few weeks. I think we need a change of scenery," Meredith explained.

"Oh, cool. Can I have the sparkle pager while you're gone?"

"Sure," Meredith laughed, raising her eyebrows at Addison.

"Bailey said it's fine, but to take your textbooks."

"Of course," she laughed, "we can study together."

Addison grinned at her pushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Okay, that's my cue to leave," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Here," Meredith threw the sparkle pager to her from the bedside table.

"Thanks, Mer," she grinned, giving her a hug. She left, after giving Addison an awkward smile.

"Let's go," Addison took Meredith's hand and helped her up.

"Yay," Meredith said, smiling.

 _ **A/N: Chapter 17 will be up once this story hits 15 reviews. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review.**_

 _ **Edit: 3 more to go**_


	17. Chapter 17: Sunny

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the amazing reviews. I won't make this into an Oscars speech but thanks, people. This chapter is very M Rated towards the end, just as a heads up.**_

 _ **You have literally no idea how much the feedback helps. What do you want to happen? What characters do you want to see more of? All (reasonable) suggestions welcome. Please take the time to write a review or suggest something.**_

 _ **Olivia**_

 **Song: Bobby Hebb – Sunny**

watch?v=ubvYQxTXO3U

"I've decided something," Meredith gasped as she heaved her suitcase onto the vacant chair next to her.

"What?" Addison smiled despite the physical exertion. The way she seemed to make even dragging suitcases up stairs graceful both amazed and irritated Meredith.

"I _hate_ airports," Meredith slumped against the uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Me too," Addison sighed, then smiled slowly, "you're cute when you're frustrated."

"Cute?" Meredith narrowed her eyes, suppressing a grin, "I'll give you cute," she muttered darkly. "They'd better sell tequila on this freaking plane," Meredith chuckled.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. We're meeting Naomi and Sam for dinner tomorrow and that won't be very fun with a hangover."

"Right. People," Meredith's smile faded and the telltale crease between her eyebrows became prominent.

"You'll be fine. They'll love you, Meredith. I love you, so they will."

"It's just… I don't do well with family. Or close friends. They don't like me."

"They will, I promise. This isn't a test."

"I know."

Addison took her hand. "What plane are we on?" Meredith asked, checking her watch.

"43, it says it's going to be here any minute now."

 _Flight 43, boarding now._ The speaker interrupted their conversation and they stood up.

"Ready?" Addison asked, helping her get the handle pulled upright on her suitcase.

"Sure."

The plane was surprisingly empty. It seemed that not many people flew from Seattle to LA at 10AM on a Thursday. Addison and Meredith put their suitcases in the luggage section and sat down near the front of the plane. Meredith didn't want to sit next to the window because it freaked her out, which was something Addison found odd, considering how infrequently she got freaked out about things.

"So, what happened with your twisted sister yesterday? Before I came in, I mean. You looked a bit terrified," Addison asked, wondering why Meredith seemed so tense at her words. Meredith pretended to tighten the strap on her watch for a moment before answering.

"Umm, it doesn't matter. Not a big deal."

"Hey," Addison placed a hand on her shoulder What did she say?" Addison raised her eyebrows.

"She… uh… she thought I was pregnant."

There was a long silence. "Right," Addison said carefully.

"I said I needed to tell her about something and she asked me if I was pregnant," Meredith turned around to discern Addison's reaction. Her expression was composed, revealing nothing.

"What did you say?"

"I said I wasn't."

Addison nodded as she watched Meredith's expression,

"Cristina said you've probably seen enough births to put you off for life." Meredith gave a nervous laugh, fiddling with her water bottle, screwing and unscrewing the cap repeatedly.

"I don't know about that," Addison said slowly.

"Really?" Meredith asked, her heart beating a little too fast.

"I wouldn't say I've been put off, that's all."

"Okay," Meredith said thoughtfully.

"Really? Is it… is it okay?" Addison bit her lip nervously.

"I think… maybe. Maybe it's okay. One day," Meredith almost couldn't believe she'd said it aloud. Her stomach flipped at the thought.

"One day…" Addison smiled widely.

"One day, maybe," Meredith let herself return the smile and saw the look on Addison's face. She looked completely stunned but also… happy. Really happy. "I think I've realised that I'm not like my mother. That I wouldn't be like she was to me."

"Good. Wow," Addison said, smiling.

"Wow," Meredith agreed, squeezing Addison's hand.

Meredith went to the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror for a few minutes. There was a happy glint in her eye that matched the feeling of a strange combination of terror and excitement that bubbled in her stomach. She couldn't believe she'd admitted to herself – let alone Addie – that knew that one day, she could be a better mother than Ellis had been to her. She splashed cold water on her face, not flinching for the first time since before Elliott Bay. Meredith felt giddy as she sat back down next to Addison, who was reading an old copy of _A Game of Thrones_.

"I didn't know you were into fantasy," Meredith chuckled.

"I'm not usually," Addison closed the book and leaned towards her, bringing their lips together softly. Meredith kissed her back, smiling against her mouth. It amazed her that her heart still fluttered every time she noticed Addison looking at her and every time they touched.

"I didn't know you were in such a good mood," Addison beamed at her as they broke apart.

"Well, I am," Meredith grinned back at her. "I can show you what a good mood I'm in later if you want," she whispered.

"I didn't mean like that, dirty minded woman," Addison smirked.

"Oh, so you don't want me to-"

"Oh, I do, but I was just observing your current state of happiness."

Meredith just shook her head, grinning.

The rest of the plane ride was mostly uneventful, save for the crying baby next to them that made Meredith's chest tighten. The pilots announced that they would be landing shortly and Meredith winced as her ears popped as the pressure changed. She hated that feeling. When the plane touched down on the tarmac, Meredith pursed her lips as she remembered that she was going to meet Addison's friends the next day.

In the airport, they wheeled their suitcases across the shiny white floor to the elevators. Addison pressed the button and the metal doors slid open within a few seconds. The lift was full of people so Meredith was glad when they finally made it outside and into a taxi.

"LA's hot," Meredith said, fastening her seatbelt.

"Well observed," Addison smiled, "now I know why you're such an excellent surgeon."

Meredith laughed.

"It's weird without the rain. I can't remember the last time it was sunny in Seattle."

"Well, that's Seattle for you. Wet and cold."

"You make it sound so appealing," Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"It has its merits."

"Like what?"

"Like you," Addison said. Meredith rolled her eyes, grinning.

"Taxi flirtation, very unprofessional, Dr Montgomery."

"I don't have to be professional, the hospital is over a thousand miles away."

"Good point," Meredith admitted, shaking her head.

The driver turned left and the sea became visible, a blue line against the horizon. A few minutes later, they pulled up near the beach.

"We're staying there," Addison pointed to a small cottage down the road.

"It's beautiful," Meredith smiled happily as she paid the driver and they began walking after retrieving their luggage, "so are you."

"Thanks," Addison laughed.

Soon, they reached the front door and Addison slid the key into the lock and turned it. The holiday home seemed larger inside than it looked from the outside. It was open and bright, with a kitchen and living room downstairs and a bedroom and a bathroom upstairs.

"This is very… homely," Meredith observed.

"So you like it?" Addison asked, putting their suitcases by the staircase.

"I like it," Meredith smiled.

"Great," Addison said, running her fingers through Meredith's hair, "I was thinking we could go out for dinner tonight. There's an Italian restaurant nearby, it's nice."

"Sounds like a plan. I brought my black dress just in case."

"I like that dress," Addison kissed her.

"I know you do. I thought it would be appropriate for a date," Meredith's eyes flashed. "I'm going to take a shower," she lingered at the bottom of the stairs, holding her suitcase, "are you coming?"

Addison nodded, a smile spreading across her face as she followed Meredith up the stair, her breath catching in her throat. They put their things in the bedroom first.

"It's a nice bed," Addison remarked.

"Very nice," Meredith agreed, kissing slowly down her neck. "And we have two weeks to spend… doing whatever we want."

Addison's body was pressed up against the wall as Meredith continued to kiss her. Meredith let her go for a moment to pull her shirt over her head, reaching for Addison's belt. Addison yanked her own shirt off and dropped it on the floor. She gasped as Meredith sucked lightly on a sensitive spot near her ear. She groaned softly and gripped Meredith's shoulders, pulling their bodies closer together.

The kiss didn't last nearly long enough. Addison unbuttoned Meredith's trousers and pulled them down. The rest of their clothes were on the floor in seconds. Meredith worked her way down Addison's body, her hands running up and down her thighs. She reached between her legs and touched her, smiling at Addison's response as she moaned. Meredith's hair fell forward to frame her face, the strands tickling Addison's neck as she kissed her, their lips moving together desperately. The smell of lavender from Meredith's favourite conditioner invaded her senses, the scent driving her wild.

"Meredith," she moaned, trying to turn her thoughts into words.

"Yes?" she held Addison's hair up, pressing her lips to the exposed skin of her neck as Meredith's hand slipped between her legs.

"We -" she gasped at the feeling of Meredith touching her. "We should get in the shower."

"Hmm," Meredith hummed against her neck, enjoying the obvious reactions Addison was having to what she was doing. "That sounds like fun."

She released her girlfriend and took her hand, pulling her across the narrow hallway to the tiny bathroom. The room filled up with steam almost as soon as Meredith switched the water on. The shower cubicle took up most of the room and was surprisingly large in comparison. Addison decided it was her turn to tease Meredith and pushed her gently against the cold tiles. She looked up at Meredith as she knelt in front of her, pressing kisses to the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her fingers worked their way upwards slowly, making Meredith wait, her desire growing with every passing second.

"Addie-" Meredith panted, the two syllables emerging in a breathy moan as her fingers twisting in Addison's damp hair. Addison slipped two fingers inside her, kissing her thighs at the same time. Addison curled her fingers and pressed against the spot that made Meredith almost delirious with pleasure.

"Oh," Meredith gasped, her head fell backwards as she leant heavily against the wall of the shower. Addison stopped moving her fingers back and forth and simply massaged the spot, watching Meredith's face as her eyes rolled backwards. She pushed her head between Meredith's shaking legs, kissing everywhere she could reach. Her hips moved in time with Addison's thrusts, "Ah," she moaned softly, closing her eyes in ecstasy, "Addie."

The sounds she was making made Addison's head swim. She felt Meredith clench around her, every muscle in her body contracting randomly. She stood up, kissing her way up Meredith's shaking body, massaging the spot inside her gently as she came down from her high. Meredith let out a stifled whimper as Addison kissed her mouth, still touching her. Every nerve ending in her body was hypersensitive and the small movements Addison was making between her legs caused her body to jerk with every touch. She let her go and stood under the water, sharing a smile with Meredith.

"I love you," Addison murmured in her ear, finally content now that Meredith was still trying to breathe normally.

"Mmm," Meredith said.

"Does that mean 'I love you too?'" Addison smirked, embracing her.

"Yes, it does," Meredith murmured, kissing her.

 _ **A/N: Chapter 18 will be uploaded once we get to 25 reviews, so this is a team effort. Don't forget to review. Thanks.**_


	18. Chapter 18: Eye to Eye

Chapter 18:

Song: Sara Ramirez - Eye to Eye

The black material of Meredith's dress fit her perfectly. The neckline was a deep vee that stretched down between her breasts, emphasising the curves of her body perfectly. The garment was drawn in at the waist and draped over her hips flawlessly. It was perfect. Tonight was going to be perfect.

"Wow," Addison breathed, taking in the sight of her girlfriend as she straightened her necklace in the mirror.

"Stop looking at me like that," Meredith chuckled, smiling. Addison was wearing a dark blue dress that stretched over one shoulder, leaving the pale skin of her shoulder completely bare.

"Like what?" Addison protested with a grin.

"Like you don't want me to be wearing this awesome dress," Meredith said as she raised her eyebrows slightly.

"I love the dress," Addison said, "I'm just admiring your beauty. No ulterior motive."

"Sure," Meredith turned around and kissed her softly, enjoying the fleeting moment of bliss as their lips connected.

"Are you ready? Our taxi's going to be here any second," Addison said, checking the time on her phone.

"Yeah, let's go," Meredith nodded, hearing the taxi driver beep his horn outside.

The drive was quiet compared to the busy roads of Seattle, and Meredith spent the first five minutes gazing out of the window. The streetlights along the sides of the road all blurred into a soft yellow glow, which was oddly comforting as it seeped into the back of the car. Meredith smiled for no apparent reason, unaware that Addison was watching her, calmed by Meredith's jubilant mood. It was like ever time she saw that Meredith was okay, that she was happy, a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"I think I'm beginning to like LA," Meredith said suddenly, her eyes sparkling.

"Really? You haven't seen much of it," Addison replied.

"I know, but that's partially your fault," she laughed softly, "and we have time."

"We do," agreed Addison.

Meredith's phone beeped, and she glanced quickly at the screen, raising her eyebrows.

"What is it?" Addison asked quizzically.

"LA's on red alert for earthquakes."

"They always say that. I've been here many times when the weather app says red alert - it's never happened."

"I'm just saying, if anyone's going to survive my mother, Finn, drowning, and actually being dead for two hours, and then die in an earthquake," she shook her head, a sarcastic smile on her lips, "it's me."

"No one's going to die, Meredith," Addison said dryly, ignoring the comment about Finn that made her stomach flip. Meredith just nodded, rolling her eyes.

The car slowed as they turned a corner on to a busy road. Addison sighed softly, feeling irritated that the one night she'd wanted to spend with Meredith doing something normal was being threatened by traffic of all things. Meredith noticed her drumming her fingertips on the interior of the car door; slipping her hand into Addison's, she gave her a reassuring smile.

"Where is this restaurant, anyway?" Meredith wondered aloud.

"It's just outside of LA. We're staying just inside the state so it's only around forty minutes away."

"That's a long way to go for a restaurant," Meredith raised an eyebrow at her.

"It'll be worth it," Addison promised taking her hand.

The traffic slowly began to dissipate and eventually, the taxi pulled up outside the restaurant. Addison handed the money to the driver and together they walked through the double doors and into the glow of the twinkling lights.

"Can we have the bill, please?" Meredith asked the waiter, smiling at Addison.

"Of course, Ma'am."

"Are you okay?" Addison smiled.

"I'm great," Meredith grinned, "Do you want to go back to the house now? I have an idea about what we could do."

"I would love to," Addison smirked, wondering how Meredith never seemed to tire of her.

"Good. I'm going to the bathroom. Here," she handed Addison her purse.

"Meredith, I said I would p—"

Meredith silenced her with a kiss before leaving with a smile. She followed the signs pointing towards the other side of the restaurant. 'Who builds bathrooms upstairs in a restaurant?' she wondered, pressing the button for the elevator.

The doors opened with a ding and Meredith stepped in, holding her bag with one hand. Another woman with dark hair who looked about thirty weeks pregnant, joined her, greeting Meredith with a casual smile.

Suddenly, there was a buzzing noise and the lights went out. The ground began to shake, making the elevator stop moving. Both women reached for the railings, gasping.

What felt like hours later, the earth was still. Meredith stepped carefully over to the other woman, seeing her double over in pain, holding her bump. In the dark it was impossible to see.

"Seattle Grace a Mercy Death," she whispered in the dark.


	19. Chapter 19: Wait

**Chapter 19**

 **Song: Get Set Go – Wait**

 _watch?v=-SUcQbe3DOk_

Meredith's phone ringing broke the tense silence in the elevator. The sound cut off as soon as she yanked it out of her bag, noticing that the signal was only on one bar. _Crap,_ she thought _._ The sudden jolt of the elevator had caused Meredith to fall against the wall, hitting her elbow hard against the metal. She winced as she pushed herself up onto her knees, a stab of pain shooting up her arm. Meredith raised her throbbing arm to reveal that it was inflamed and swollen.

"Are you okay?" she asked the other woman, crawling over to her in the semi-darkness. The glowing blue light of her phone illuminated the small space. "What's your name? I'm Meredith."

"My name is Holly. I think I'm having contractions, I thought they were just Braxton hicks earlier, and I wanted to surprise my husband so I didn't say anything. He's not here yet… I got here early," she said frantically. "Ow," she gasped as another contraction ripped through her body.

"Holly, I'm sorry your husband isn't here, but your contractions are two minutes apart," Meredith told her, checking the time on her phone. The blue emergency lights flickered on suddenly, lighting up their faces.

"Does that mean-" she began, leaning against the wall. She watched Meredith nod slowly at her, kneeling on the floor.

"I'm going to have to deliver your baby if we don't get out of here very soon, but don't worry, I'm a surgeon."

"Really?" Holly asked quietly.

"Yes, and my girlfriend is an obstetrician, so I'm going to call her while you take off your pants."

"I can't believe I'm going to give birth in an elevator," she muttered, grimacing.

Meredith nodded empathetically. "How many weeks are you?"

"Thirty-seven tomorrow. Is the baby going to be okay?"

"There's no reason to suggest that there will be any complications. It's not full term but its close."

Meredith scrolled through her contacts list frantically until she found Addison's number and pressed call, infinitely grateful for the single bar of signal. She held her breath as she waited for her phone to load. She pushed her hair out of her face without thinking, and the use of her left arm sent a wave of pain through her body and she prayed it wasn't broken.

"Addie?" She said as it connected.

"Meredith," Addison breathed in relief, "are you okay? Are you hurt? Wait - where are you?"

"My… I'm okay, but I'm stuck in an elevator with a woman who's in active labour."

"Oh my god," she exclaimed.

"Yeah. I know what to do… I just…" Meredith bit her lip anxiously.

"I know you do. How far apart are the contractions?"

"Two minutes," Meredith murmured, trying not to alarm Holly, "Maybe less," she lowered her voice.

"Right. You need to check her cervix."

"I know," Meredith nodded.

"What do you have in your bag? Did you clean it out before we left?"

"Uh," Meredith searched through her bag, "No. I have two pairs of gloves, nail scissors and a bottle of hand sanitiser. I… I need something to clamp the cord…"

"You need to improvise with what you've got. What can you use?"

"Okay," Meredith murmured, nodding as her mind reeled. "Gloves. I can tie them."

"Great, use the hand sanitiser, and put the gloves on. Check how far dilated she is."

There was a pause and Meredith the murmur of voices crackling through the phone.

"Meredith? Are you still there?"

"Yes. I'm here."

"They're trying to get the elevator running, but it might take a while. Put your phone on speaker and leave it on the floor."

Meredith followed the instructions and smiled reassuringly at the other woman, who was grimacing in the pain of another contraction.

"Done," she called.

"Now examine her."

"I think my waters just broke," Holly said nervously from the other side of the elevator.

Meredith turned back to Holly. "Okay, I need to check your cervix. It will be uncomfortable, but it's necessary."

"O-okay," she replied quietly.

There were a few seconds of silence as Meredith performed the exam.

"I think around nine centimetres… maybe nine and a half."

"That means you're going to deliver the baby very soon."

"I know," Meredith said. "There's no… no facial presentation and the baby isn't breech. The amniotic fluid is clear, no meconium, no signs of foetal distress."

"That's good. Is there a history of pre-eclampsia… gestational diabetes, any other conditions?"

Holly shook her head in response. "No," Meredith told Addison.

"Good," Addison said, "Meredith, you've done this before, you know what to do."

Holly let out a small groan, leaning against the wall of the elevator.

"So," Meredith tried to distract the other woman, "are you having a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know - we wanted it to be a surprise," she gasped.

"Lots of yellow, huh?" Meredith smiled reassuringly.

"Yeah, we painted the nursery yellow."

"That's nice," Meredith bit her lip, trying to go through the solutions to possible complications in her head.

"Yeah," she whispered.

A couple of minutes of small talk later, Meredith examined her again. "You're at ten centimetres now. I need you to push on the next contraction." Holly nodded, sitting up against the wall.  
"Look, Meredith, you're not in a sterile environment, so-" Addison began, the bad signal making her voice crackle. On the last syllable, the line cut off.

"Addie?" Meredith called, a note of fear in her voice. "Addie, are you there?" A long moment passed. "Crap," she muttered.

"Did the line cut off?" Holly said, her eyes wide.

"Uh… yeah. Don't worry, I've done this before."

"Not in an elevator, I'm guessing," she smiled weakly.

"Not in an elevator," Meredith agreed.

The next contraction came within a few seconds.

"Okay, push now," Meredith encouraged her, kneeling between her legs.

"Crap, ow," she groaned, beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

"I know, keep pushing, come on."

Meredith pulled the clean gloves on after a few minutes. "I can see the baby's head."

"That's… good, right?" she stuttered.

"It's great. It has a lot of hair," Meredith smiled, her pulse racing. It took ten more minutes before the baby's head was out. The phone rang, but Meredith couldn't answer because she had to save the last pair of gloves to clamp the umbilical cord so she couldn't take hers off.

"I need you to push one last time," Meredith informed Holly, "the baby's nearly here."

"I can't… it's too hard…" she moaned, leaning back against the wall.

"Just one more. You can do this."

"Just… just one?" she asked softly.

"Yes. Push now," Meredith nodded, placing her right hand under the baby's shoulders and holding him against her. She looked up at Holly and gently placed the baby on her chest.

"He's a boy," Meredith smiled gently as the baby cried.

"I have a son…" she murmured, looking at the tiny baby in awe.

"You do," she chuckled, tying the gloves tightly around the umbilical cord.

"Is he okay?"

"He's breathing fine and he can definitely cry. He's perfect," Meredith said, grinning as she cut the cord.

The phone rang again and Meredith ripped off her gloves to answer it after placing the baby in Holly's arms.

"Hey, Addie, are you there?"

"Yeah, is the baby okay?"

"Yes, he's doing fine. They both are."

"Excellent. They've got the elevator working but it's between floors, so you need to press the alarm button again, then the ground floor button."

"Right," Meredith said, hanging up and pressing the buttons. The elevator hummed and began to move again.

"Finally," Holly said, cradling the baby in her arms.

"Are you feeling okay?" Meredith asked, looking at her.

"Sore, but yeah, I guess so."

"Good," Meredith said, relief flooding through her.

The doors opened and Addison rushed inside, along with a few paramedics. Addison looked worriedly at Meredith, frowning when she noticed the limp way Meredith was holding her injured arm.

"Are you okay?"

"I delivered a baby in an elevator," she laughed suddenly; the adrenaline was wearing off now and the stabbing pains shooting up her arm were worsening.

"You did," Addison smiled, kissing her cheek and embracing her.

"Don't ruin your dress, I'm all bloody and amniotic… fluidy," Meredith grinned then gasped in pain as she lifted her arm upwards to hug Addison.

"Ow," she muttered.

"Yeah, I'm getting you an X-Ray."

"Maybe that's not such a bad idea," she winced. Addison rolled her eyes at Meredith's lack of concern about herself.

After the short ambulance ride to the hospital, Meredith was refusing to give the baby to a paramedic while Holly was being examined. She'd changed into a pair of green scrubs and was sitting outside the hospital room holding him with Addison next to her.

"You know, there is a paediatric ward here."

"Yes."

"So you don't have to stay here. You need an X-Ray, Meredith."

"I'm not the priority here," she protested, keeping her voice low so she didn't wake the sleeping infant. "I delivered this baby and I'm not going to hand him over to some random stranger. His father is on his way and he can go back to his parents any minute now."

"This is why you'd make an amazing mother," Addison murmured softly, watching Meredith cautiously for her reaction.

"Hmm," she said, biting her lip. Meredith glanced at Addison awkwardly, then focused her attention back on the baby.

Meredith looked up a few seconds later to see a man approaching them with one of the nurses, smiling.

"Is that-" he said.

"This is your son," Meredith smiled, looking at the nurse for confirmation, "congratulations."

"Thank you so much – they told me what happened and I just… thank you."

"It's okay. Really."

"Okay, X-Ray time," Addison persisted, raising her eyebrow at Meredith, whose face was pale and her jaw was clenched in the way Addison knew meant she was in pain.

"Fine," Meredith smiled at the man holding the baby and followed Addison and another doctor to the X-Ray machine.

Eventually, the machine was free, and Meredith had to sit on a bed while they scanned her arm.

"Dr Grey, you need to straighten your arm so that I can read the scans properly," the other doctor told her.

"Right," Meredith said, nodding. It had just come to her realisation that she'd had her arm slightly bent since she'd got the injury. Now that she had to move it, she realised why that had been.

"There's a lot of swelling," Addison noted, biting her lip as she watched Meredith try to swallow a gasp as she straightened her arm.

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, closing her eyes. The doctor left the room and Meredith held her arm still under the machine, wincing.

"So, distraction…" Addison said, trying to think of something to talk about.

"You don't have to distract me, I'm an adult."

"I know. Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering something. "Do you remember that first night at Joe's when we told everyone we were dating?"

"Yes, why?" Meredith smiled at the memory.

"Mark said something about your Dirty Mistresses Club… you never told me what it meant."

"Really?" Meredith shook her head. "Believe me, you do not want to know about my days as an adulterous whore," her tone was light-hearted, but Addison stiffened at the word.

"Derek?" she asked, already knowing who'd said that.

"Derek," Meredith agreed, looking at Addison's irate expression. "Anyway, when Mark first came to Seattle, he tried to flirt with me by telling me that he was a dirty mistress too. Hence, the Dirty Mistresses Club."

"Okay," Addison smiled, "Mark tried to flirt with you?"

"Yep. Don't worry, it didn't work. I made rules for the club."

"Oh?"

"One, no flirting, two, no talking about Derek and three, no McSteamy face. I think I said C instead of three…" Meredith mused, chuckling lightly.

"I'm guessing her broke all of those rules in the first thirty seconds."

"Absolutely," Meredith nodded.

"Scans are up," the doctor called, bringing a copy in to show them.

"It's not fractured," Meredith sighed in relief.

"Nope, just very badly sprained, the ligament's not in good shape. You'll have to wear a pressure bandage for a while, but it should be perfect in a few weeks."

"Great," Addison smiled.

"Can we go? It's been a bit of a long night," Meredith said sarcastically.  
"Of course."

"Yes, you need rest," Addison said firmly, knowing full well Meredith would ignore that request.

"Whatever," Meredith chuckled at Addison's tone.

"Exactly. I _am_ your knight in shining whatever," Addison smirked at Meredith as the doctor left them alone.

Meredith rolled her eyes as Addison pulled the bandage into place on her arm, being careful not to hurt her.

"Thank you," Meredith said, standing up so that she could kiss her, knowing that Addison needed reassurance that Meredith was okay. After all, a lot of bad things happened to her.

"Do you think we've had enough of you nearly dying for now?" Addison asked, "I don't enjoy it."

"Well, you picked the wrong person because I-" she hopped off the bed, "am a danger magnet."

 ** _A/N: Sorry this took so long to update, I've been busy. Don't forget to leave a review, any helpful thoughts and ideas are welcome. Does anyone actually listen to the suggested songs? Just wondering, as I've thought about making a youtube playlist that I could link here._**

 ** _Anyway, thanks for reading, please leave a review._**


	20. Chapter 20: Falling Slowly

**Chapter 20**

 **Song: Chyler Leigh & Nathan West – Falling Slowly**

watch?v=8k_8VlNXUEU

 **A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to update, I found it quite difficult to write this chapter. It's quite emotional, just as a warning.**

 **I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading.**

Addison woke with a start, quickly reaching over to silence the beeping alarm clock on the bedside table. She glanced over at Meredith, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sat up. Luckily, Meredith hadn't been woken up by the blaring noise and Addison breathed a sigh of relief. She got out of bed slowly, trying not to wake Meredith.

Pulling on the purple dressing gown Meredith had bought her a few months previously, Addison padded down the stairs to make coffee, yawning as she went.

A few moments later, the kettle hissed and she poured the boiling water into the pot, the warming aroma of fresh coffee filling the small room.

Addison poured the liquid into two mugs and walked back up the stairs, carefully, so as not to spill them. The warm rays of early morning sunlight flooded through the gaps in the hastily drawn curtains, the yellow light making the golden hints in Meredith's hair stand out.

She hesitated in the doorway, watching Meredith. In her sleep, she looked so happy. So peaceful. This was the only time Addison felt like she didn't need to worry about Meredith. In her sleep, the lines of worry etched into her face were absent. The near constant pinch of stress and the absent look in her eyes when it all got too much, just… fell away.

It was the only time Addison could breathe.

Meredith gave a small sigh in her sleep, drawing Addison's gaze to the soft pink shade of her full lips. Addison clutched the handle of the mug tighter, biting her cheek as she remembered how different she looked that day. The icy blue of her lips when Addison pulled her out of the water, the white, almost translucent pallor of her skin. And worst of all, the cold.

 ** _Flashback:_**

It had been twelve hours since Meredith had woken up and Addison was still refusing to even leave the hospital room. Her body was rigid and her muscles were stiff and the cold metal bars of the chair were digging into her back, but none of that mattered because Meredith was alive.

Addison's hair had finally dried and the uncontrollable shivering had stopped soon after, only to return after her third cup of espresso and Meredith's lab results. She'd changed into a fresh set of scrubs after Mark had cornered her while Meredith was being assessed in the intensive care unit.

"X-Ray's back," Bailey pushed open the door, interrupting Addison's train of thought and drawing her gaze away from the chart in her hands.

She bit her lip as Bailey handed her the scan, her teeth almost drawing blood as she made herself hold it up to the light. Bailey picked up Meredith's chart and jotted a few things down, signing it before looking at Addison's pale face.

"Midline sternal fracture," Addison grimaced, "and…. five broken ribs."

"Yeah," Bailey said, looking at Meredith as she slept, her eyebrows pulled together as she frowned.

"She'll need to wake up soon so you can check the… injuries," Addison said slowly.

She clenched her jaw, crushing the empty paper cup in her fist and throwing it clearly into the bin.

"Yes," Bailey agreed. "Mark wants to see you."

"Oh," Addison replied, her voice flat and monotonous.

"He's worried about you, Addison."

Addison finally tore her eyes away from Meredith and looked at Bailey, a humourless, wry smile twisting her lips.  
"He's worried about _me_? Is he aware that Meredith nearly died – _did_ die, today?"

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's okay."

There was a long silence as they both avoided each other's eyes.

"I'm going to give her five of morphine before I wake her."

Addison glared at the wall for a long moment, hating how much this would hurt Meredith, hating everything that caused this and most of all, hating the fact that she didn't realise what was happening until it was too late.

She sighed quietly, sitting back down in the chair and taking Meredith's limp hand in her own.

"Fine," she said. Addison glanced at the window to see Mark walking past. She bit her lip.

"Go," Bailey said gently, "you'll be right outside. I'll get you in here before she wakes up.

"Thank you, Miranda."

 ** _End Flashback_**

"Hey," Meredith said sleepily, a small smile stretching across her face.

"Hi," Addison breathed, coming over to sit on the side of the bed. "Here," she handed Meredith the mug of coffee. "You're up early," Meredith commented, looking at the clock.  
"Yeah, I guess I am. It's too bright to sleep, anyway."  
Meredith nodded, placing her cup down on the table. She hooked her good arm around Addison's neck, kissing her mouth before pulling her gently down onto the bed.

Meredith smiled against Addison's lips as she gave a small gasp of surprise when Meredith's hand lowered to untie her dressing gown.

"So… we're meeting up with your friend later. Naomi?" Meredith said.

"Well, we were meant to, but I'm sure she won't mind if you're not feeling up to it."

"No, it's fine. I want to."

Addison offered a small smile and kissed her again gently.

"You taste like coffee," Meredith chuckled lightly.

Addison rolled her eyes and Meredith sat up to get out of bed.

Meredith tried to hide her wince of pain as she leant on her injured arm, clearly irritated by the inconvenience.

"Be careful," Addison rolled her eyes, biting her lip in concern.

"Yep," Meredith sighed.

"Let me see?" Addison said and Meredith held out her arm tentatively.

"The swelling's gone down," Meredith told her.

"Yes, a little," Addison nodded. "You really are a danger magnet, you know?"

"I know," Meredith confessed. "It can be slightly annoying.

"Hmm," Addison responded.

"At least it was an elevator this time and not a bomb," Meredith said, her tone playful but the look on her face completely serious.

Addison just looked at her, not knowing what to say.

 ** _Flashback:_**

Addison watched tentatively as Meredith's eyes fluttered open for the second time that day.

"Meredith," Addison said, trying to keep the tears from her voice.

"Hi," Meredith said.

"You scared me."

Meredith closed her eyes again for a moment, then opened them and looked up at Addison's face.

"I'm so sorry," Meredith said as a tear rolled down her cheek. She shuddered and the sudden movement sent a horrible jolt of pain through her body.

"Hey, try not to move. It's okay." Addison swallowed the bile in her throat and ignored the surge of adrenaline.

"Ow," Meredith moaned, her hand pressing to her side, which was layered with bandages.

"You have… a lot of fractures."

"That would explain it," Meredith winced.

The room was completely silent for a while as Addison's heart pounded in her chest.

"My mother is dead, isn't she?"

Addison looked at her for a moment in shock.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I don't know. It's okay, though. I think it's okay."

Addison nodded slowly, biting her lip.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said again.

 ** _End Flashback_**

Meredith ambled into the kitchen wearing her favourite shirt and her damp hair in a towel.

"Hey," Addison said, smiling.

"You made breakfast," Meredith grinned.

"I did. I thought I'd take the opportunity to make you eat normal food for once."

Meredith chuckled as she lifted a glass of orange juice to her lips.

"I'm a resident – I don't have time to eat normally!"

"Try being an attending! It's not much better."

"Yay, so much to look forward to," Meredith said sarcastically.

Addison walked over to the small table in the kitchen with two plates in her hands.

"Mmm, I think bacon might make me love you more," Meredith laughed and Addison joined in.

It had taken over two hours for Bailey to convince Cristina that Meredith would be okay if she left the hospital for the night. Bailey hadn't even tried to talk to Addison because she knew she wouldn't get anywhere – not at the moment, anyway.

When Cristina finally left, Addison was standing outside the door with Mark. She leaned heavily on the wall, exhausted in every possible way.

"You need to talk to her, Addison," Mark said, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"I know. I just…" Addison trailed off, the lump in her throat that hadn't left since that morning becoming more painful. "She didn't swim, and I don't-" Tears overflowed in her eyes and Addison buried her face in her hands.

Mark just pulled her against him and held her for a moment, letting her regain her composure.

"I'm fine, it's just…" Addison whispered. "I can do this, right?"

"Right. Look at her," Mark put his hand on Addison's shoulder to get her attention, "look. She's okay."

"Okay," Addison said anxiously, tasting blood as she bit into her cheek.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment, and opened the door to Meredith's room.

"Addie," Meredith whispered, a weak smile forming on her face. When she saw the tortured look in Addison's eyes, it disappeared instantly.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked, already sure she knew the answer.

"I'm scared," Addison whispered after a moment. "I'm scared you'll try to leave me again."

There wasn't the slightest hint of malice or anger in her voice. Just pain. That was the worst part. If Addison was more like Derek in that respect; if she got angry with Meredith and shouted, instead of being understanding and supporting her…. Meredith could understand that. Meredith could understand anger, or frustration – she'd grown used to it from her mother. It was almost as if she couldn't comprehend why Addison _wanted_ to support her. To be there. Especially when she was dark and twisty, with her "passively suicidal tendencies", as her therapist had put it.

"I'm sorry," was all Meredith could think of in response, a nagging sense of guilt plaguing her mind.

"No," Addison said firmly, her hands cupping Meredith's cheeks, making it impossible for her to look away from the tortured pain in Addison's eyes that she usually hid so well.

"No. Please, just stop saying you're sorry."

"Okay."

"I love you," she said forcefully. "That's why it hurts me to know that you don't care as much about yourself as everyone else does."

"I do care," Meredith argued feebly.

"I know you care… it's just… it's like you don't think it matters. Whether you're okay or not. It _does_ matter."

Meredith nodded silently, blinking away the tears in her eyes.

Addison reached over and gently pulled Meredith against her, holding her body against her own. She kissed the top of Meredith's head softly, breathing in the heady smell of lavender.

"What really happened? At the bay?" Addison asked after a while.

"Do you really want to know?" Meredith said, her pulse quickening as she studied Addison's face.

"If we're going to get through this, together, I need to know what it is we need to get through."

Meredith looked away, but nodded anyway, trying not to grimace in pain.

"Derek found me in the morning. He told me there was no way you could love me. I didn't believe him, but I…." Meredith trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

"He told me I was worthless, then my mother said the same thing. Even with Alzheimer's, even when she could barely remember her own name, she told me that." She gave a humourless laugh. "Everyone at the hospital was staring at me and talking about me. And then we got to the crash site, and so many people were dead."

Meredith's voice faltered when she said that, but she continued anyway.

"The patient pushed me. It was an accident and he knocked me over the edge. I shouldn't have been standing so close…. He knocked the wind out of me and I fell backwards so I didn't know which way was up."

She shivered slightly, remembering the sudden shock of coldness, like needles digging into her skin. Addison's eyes looked haunted at the memory.

"But you fought," Addison said, trying to convince herself more than Meredith "You tried to stay up."

"At first. I knew that if I pushed a little harder, if I swam for a little longer, I'd be okay. I got above the surface for a second, but I couldn't breathe," she paused, tears running down her face. "And then I realised that I didn't want to."

Addison held Meredith closer to her, feeling her body shake with sobs as silent tears took over her. Meredith pulled away slightly, wincing.

"It wasn't that I _wanted_ to die. I thought – just for a second – I thought 'what's the point?'. I stopped swimming for _one moment_ and it was too late. I just passed out."

"Please, just don't leave. Ever."

"I won't."

 ** _End Flashback_**

Addison watched Meredith talking on the phone to Lexie from the kitchen, the book in her hand forgotten. She couldn't work out what was being said, but every so often, Meredith's face would light up and she would smile. The sight made Addison's breath catch in her throat and her heart swelled with happiness.

If someone had asked her two years ago what made her happy, what moments in her life made it all worth it, she would have said work, or surgery.

Now, she knew without a doubt that it was Meredith, and it would always be Meredith.

She smiled to herself as Meredith stopped talking for a moment to listen to Lexie and noticed Addison looking at her. Their eyes locked and an unwavering grin spread across Meredith's face.

This was it. This was everything.

 **A/N: Thanks again for reading. Please leave a review, they help so much and are definitely motivational. All (constructive) comments are welcome.**

 **EDIT: I HAVE PUBLISHED A PREQUEL TO THIS STORY, BASED ON THE EVENTS OF WHEN MEREDITH HAD APPENDICITIS.**

 **It's on my profile ('The Beginning: Prequel to Enlighten') I hope you enjoy.**


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